Back on the rollercoaster
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| Tue, 03-27-2007 - 5:50pm |
Well, all good things must come to an end. Such as my month long break with my boyfriend, which I guess became a break up today. He's still unsure about where his life is going, and can't be with me like this, so I went ahead and told him I can't live not knowing.
I had a very strong feeling that it was going to happen, but there really is nothing that can soften the blow. I *know* it gets better, because I felt the same way I do now when we first went on the break, and things improved immensely. But that hardly seems like a consolation right now.
I'm just tired of the crying and the sick feeling. And wanting him back so much I can taste it. We left everything friendly, but I just don't know if I can stay friends. As much as I desperately (key word) want him in my life, I think I'll just keep waiting around for him to figure out that he wants to be with me. I could waste my whole life thinking that.
I went a month with mostly NC, and now I'm back to seeing if he's replied to my email that I wrote after he left and being terribly disappointed that he hasn't. Maybe I can be strong and do NC again.

We are in the same boat. I had a break up two weeks ago. I haven't contacted him. But each day I would check my email more times than I would like to admit, to see whether he has written to me. And I am terribly dissappointed that he hasn't tried to contact me.
Instead of contacting him, try contacting your friends. I sometimes am afraid that I would bother them too much. But then I thought if I had a friend going through the same thing, I would be there for her.
Big Hug!