Back on the rollercoaster

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Back on the rollercoaster
3
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 5:50pm

Well, all good things must come to an end. Such as my month long break with my boyfriend, which I guess became a break up today. He's still unsure about where his life is going, and can't be with me like this, so I went ahead and told him I can't live not knowing.

I had a very strong feeling that it was going to happen, but there really is nothing that can soften the blow. I *know* it gets better, because I felt the same way I do now when we first went on the break, and things improved immensely. But that hardly seems like a consolation right now.

I'm just tired of the crying and the sick feeling. And wanting him back so much I can taste it. We left everything friendly, but I just don't know if I can stay friends. As much as I desperately (key word) want him in my life, I think I'll just keep waiting around for him to figure out that he wants to be with me. I could waste my whole life thinking that.

I went a month with mostly NC, and now I'm back to seeing if he's replied to my email that I wrote after he left and being terribly disappointed that he hasn't. Maybe I can be strong and do NC again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 6:18pm

We are in the same boat. I had a break up two weeks ago. I haven't contacted him. But each day I would check my email more times than I would like to admit, to see whether he has written to me. And I am terribly dissappointed that he hasn't tried to contact me.

Instead of contacting him, try contacting your friends. I sometimes am afraid that I would bother them too much. But then I thought if I had a friend going through the same thing, I would be there for her.

Big Hug!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 9:49pm
I'm going through the exact same thing as you. I'm also at 2 weeks (NC). I know this is difficult but hang in there. You are doing the right thing. What is helping me is maintaining my self-dignity. I was also put "on hold" but could not deal with it either. We also did not end things on bad terms but it really doesn't matter. It still hurts terribly. If you contact him, you are saying that you are willing to put up with the BS and will be there whenever he chooses. Stay strong--if they truly care, they will let us know in actions and not so much in words. If they don't, then they really didn't care, did they?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 10:15pm
I'm so sorry for what you're going through, but I can tell you it does get better. I was in your position about 5 months ago. We "broke up"/ took a break, but he had no intention on getting back together (he just didn't want to tell me that). It took me a while to get the NC thing down. The first thing i did was disconnect myself, I literally gave my roommate my cell phone and disconnected myself from the internet. That was the first week. From there, I removed him/blocked him from my IM and facebook accounts. Then I contacted him by email and asked him to block me (we didn't have a friendly break up, in fact it was about as far from friendly as possible) and if he wanted to be friends it would be his decision. Then I started writing, emails or even better letters. I would write out exactly what I wanted, put it into an envelope address it to him and leave it on my night stand. Eventually, they all ended in the garbage. The only thing I couldn't do was delete his number from my phone because in my mind that was the last connection I couldn't give up. Then I started thinking about everything BAD that happened. When we broke up all I thought about was how great he was, but the more I started thinking of even the small bad things I realized that there were more than I thought. It'd start with, "well his family didn't like me" (they were very stuck up people, very "white collar" and my family is very "blue collar", it turned into "he judged me b/c i have a tattoo", "I wouldn't ask my family about him b/c they didn't like him and I didn't want to hear it", "He put me down without me even realizing it", "He took things too literally", and the worst "He didn't fight for me". If you start small, you may realize that there are things you can do without and/or better. In fact, up until two months ago I thought me and my ex never fought, but I've realized we fought all the time. Hopefully you'll start to find something to give you that boost into the next week of NC. I spent a LOT of time on this board just reading other posts and trying different things. Now, I am 100% over my ex, the only regret is that it didn't end friendly (I'm friends with 2 of my other ex's) and to me there was no reason he had to be so unbelieveably mean. Just take it day by day and realize there's no time that says you should be over him, and you don't have to do it alone.