Getting used to it

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Getting used to it
5
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 11:55pm

It's been day 3 of no contact for me and I'm kinda just getting used to it and accepting that he's just not in my life anymore. It's hard, especially at nights and on the weekends, but this is just apart of the equation. It's better than being unhappy with and fighting with him. I miss the good part of him but I'm slowly realizing that this was not who he really was all the time and that I deserve better. I do wonder about him and he's still always on my mind but the feelings are more controlled and at ease.

Accepting that he is no longer apart of my life is the hardest part for me because I do miss him or maybe I just miss the idea of having someone there and paying attention to me. I just know that being away from him is the best for me. It took me a really long time and many tears to make this little step towards progress but its something so I wanted to suggest a few tips that helped me get through the days and tough nights.

I keep myself busy at work even doing busy work when there is downtime. When I feel like calling him or start thinking about him, I read the discussions on this board and get my mind back on track. After work I go to my yoga or tennis class. (I signed up for these classes to take once a week.) On the days that I don't have classes, I make dinner or shopping plans with friends. Or I go for a walk or clean my house. At night, when I'm in bed, I read this board again, watch informative TV, read and write in my journal until I fall asleep. Some nights I have dreams about him and wake up missing him but I tell myself to be strong and think back to the times he cheated on me or insulted me. I still wake up in the middle of the night with thoughts of him but I just let myself feel the pain and sadness. These feelings have lessoned so I'm glad.

That's all I have to offer you guys right now. I really hope that it will get easier because these few days have been such a struggle even though my sadness has subsided a bit. I will continue to do no contact and set more positive goals for myself and keep reminding myself that I deserve better. We ALL deserve better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 9:09am

WOW - I swear you were reading my mind when you posted this. I am on Day 5 (again, after having to start over) and I am feeling EXACTLY what you are. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I can especially relate to this quote: "Accepting that he is no longer apart of my life is the hardest part for me because I do miss him or maybe I just miss the idea of having someone there and paying attention to me." That is 100% how I feel. I miss having someone to vent to at the end of a grueling day of work, or having someone to snuggle with on the couch. BUT, I don't know if I miss HIM in that capacity. Sure, there are things about HIM that I miss (his hugs were great, the sex was great, he always made me laugh)...but, there are things about him/the relationship I DO NOT miss: the arguments, the bickering, his belittling of me, his anti-social behavior, etc.

There are times it's really hard and I think "I'm going to be alone forever". But, I'm also having MORE thoughts like this: WOW - look what I have to LOOK FORWARD to! I can come and go as I please. I can do WHAT I want, WHEN I want without having to 'answer' to someone or 'get permission'. I can stay in my pj's all day and eat ice cream for breakfast. I can flirt with the cute guy in the car next to me at the stop light. I can pick up hobbies and FRIENDSHIPS where I left them PRIOR to this relationship.

I commend you on your NO CONTACT. Keeping busy is the BEST thing you can do!!! I'm doing that as well!!!

Keep in touch!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 10:47am

i too am on day 3 of nc and i feel very much the same way. there are a lot of things that i miss, but at the same time, there are so many new things for me to do without him around!

keep posting about your progress, it helps motivate me to make it to 30 days of NC!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 3:16pm
You go girl! I'm so happy to hear you staying so strong Mishmosh. You're a great inspiration for others who are going through a breakup. I like that you don't hide the fact that it is in fact hard but push through by being active and going on your daily tasks. You are handling this with such class. =)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 8:05pm

Thank you but it took me a really long time in the mess of my break up to finally be ok. I'm not 100% better, maybe only 10%, but its progress. It just gets easier once you realize that he didn't care enough about me to treat me right or keep me around for that matter. I still struggle with no contact but when I get the urge to call, I ask myself what I would talk to him about anyway and then tell myself that nothing positive would come out of it.

The thing that is hardest is not checking his emails (I still remember his password) and myspace to see if he's moved on to someone else. This is harder right now than not calling but its all apart of no contact. Its almost day 4 now!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 10:14am
Yes that's the spirit Mish. I always found it hard not to contact my ex either and when I do, like you said nothing positive ever comes out of it. I either feel rejected or plain stupid for calling. Then I feel even worse than before I called. I picture the worst possible outcome when I feel the urge to contact him. Like him telling me I found someone else, and saying something like "I can't stand you, just leave me alone. You're so pathetic and annoying the hell out of me." That's enough to hold me back. When they contact me, that's another story. It takes alot of self control. You have to think with your head and not your heart. Remind yourself why you guys broke up and all the pain that resulted from the breakup. Think of all the great progress you made from the first moment you guys broke up, don't let undo all of that hard work. We all know this. But knowing and doing is completely different. You're doing great Mish. Keep going and keep us posted.