Want to break up with my live in bf

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Want to break up with my live in bf
1
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 2:19pm
I think it is time that my live in bf and I break up. We have been living together about 10 months and things just aren't working out. We fight all the time and have become more friends/roommates than a couple. The thing is we live together and are still under lease. I want to keep the apartment (he definitely cannot afford to do so and since it is a one bedroom, he would most likely not be able to keep it and get a roommate), but I'm wondering how he is going to react to that. Also, I really DO want to stay friends with him. I'm just not sure if it is possible. Any suggestions on how to go about breaking up/asking him to leave (obviously with giving him enough time to find a place... if he had to stay until May or something) and hpefully still maintaining our friendship
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 3:07pm

Hi Rebby, sorry to hear about your situation. My bf of 3 and 1/2 years were thinking about moving in together but decided to get our own places and stay over at each other places to get see how it is and slowly make the transition. We rarely fight, but I noticed we argue more when I started staying over. We worked through our problems we have now so it'll be easier when we move in but that doesn't mean we won't fight when we move in together. It's always nice to be able to be friends with your ex but not wise to attempt to do this immediately after a breakup. You should wait until both of you have completely moved on before forming a friendship. If you and him have tried everything and the relationship isn't working, then it's just the simple fact you guys aren't right for one another. Glad you found this out before you guys got married.

You should try to find an appropriate time to talk to him about this and break the bad news to him. Make sure both of you are in a private place but comfortable enough to talk freely to one another. Try to remain calm, if you need to take a break to cool down let him know and do so. Don't just storm out of a room not saying anything. Try not say things out of anger. Like "Fine if that's how you want it, get out and never let me see your face again!" You might regret it later, that's why it's a good idea to cool down first then resume your discussion.

You're probably not going to get everything you want, try to find a compromise with him and look at different options. Discuss who keeps what in the apartment, how much time you both think is appropriate for him to find a place, and the fact that you want to end the relationship on good terms. It would be a nice gesture to offer to help him find a place and help him pack some things. Give him enough time to find a place to live but don't let him find excuses to stay and leech of you. He might have to stay with a relative or friend if he fails to find a place within the time you both agreed that he moved out. He might have to get a part time job or another source of income if he can't afford to find a place with the money he earns now. Perhaps you can help him find some job ads online or in the newspaper to speed this whole moving out process faster.

I'm not going to try to sugar coat your situation. It's possible this can get ugly, if one of you refuse to cooperate - be prepared. Try to be as civilized and mature about this issue as you can. It's his choice if he does otherwise, but you can do your part, and handle this as maturely as you can. I hope everything works for the best for you and your boyfriend.