To read or not to read...
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| Wed, 03-28-2007 - 5:18pm |
Hi Everyone,
I broke up with my gf about six weeks ago and I've been on NC for about a month. She broke up with me in a strange and disrespectful process (I can go into that at another time). I am on NC only to get over her, not because of the screwed up breakup or anything thing she did. I'm also using NC to try to get through this with some sort of dignity. It's been tough but things seem to be looking up as I have started to get involved in new activities in my area. The issue though is that she has sent me an email with the subject "I'm sorry". I found it yesterday...(Let me mention that she does have a new boyfriend and I have no idea when they met or any details and it's actually none of my business). I really need some feedback, I don't know if I should read this email while being on a NC. One part of me is curious as to what she is sorry for...another part says "who cares" she has a bf what does she want from me. I would appreciate any wisdom that the members have on this.
Thank you

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You know, over the course of the not-quite-a-year I've been CL here, I've seen plenty of people on this board go through agony because their ex-bf/gf never apologized once for the pain they'd caused.
Welcome back cfrenzy,
What are you going to do?
Hi cl-itwinflame,
I thought I'd get some opinions first. She probably has something in the email that's really going to get me angry.
Hi to all,
I think it might be a good idea to write her an email saying " I'm not reading your emails, please don't write to me".
My personal opinion would be not to read it until NC is OVER. My fear would be that it would set back your healing by opening old wounds or even creating new ones.
Maybe you could tuck it away and when you feel strong enough that whatever is in that email is not going to greatly affect you, read it. That way you'll have a clear head when you read it and decide what, if anything, to do about it.
Hi!
I had to re-read your posting a few times because I honestly thought I'd written it!
I know what you're going through. I think you're doing NO CONTACT for all the right reasons.
NO CONTACT is to help you find inner peace and healing from this. Opening the email will be a set-back. It could provide false-hope and delay the process of letting go so necessary to moving on.
The fact she has a new bf....regardless of the circumstances mean that anything you could do would be irrelevant and superfluos.
She probably feels bad, she probably feels guilty, but not enough to want to fix it. Far easier to run away, no expectations, she can train the new guy to expect less, do what she wants, cater to her whims, listen to her...then treat HIM badly if he falls out of line. People don't suddenly change and act better with someone else, especially people who jump from one relationship straight into another.
That displays a complete lack of commitment on her part. If she can't commit to one set of feelings, how can whatever she starts with someone else be any better?
You're doing the right thing right now. Stay strong. It's hard, it's going to be painful. But don't fall back. Reading that email will tug at the heartstrings.
It's called a "curtain call" and it only serves to ensure your ex-gf has an entrance into your psyche.
If she was truly "sorry" she would have made more of an effort to contact you by phone or in person rather than an email. I get 100 emails a day, what makes one from my ex gf so special now?
I do want to contact my ex gf...but same situation...new "serious" bf. Said she thought we had great chemisty, great connection, then she said she felt she couldn't discuss our relationship because I might get annoyed. So which one is it? we have a great rapport or we don't?
In my case we didn't actually have a "break up talk". We just sort of kind of stopped seeing each other...but not really. We still called and we're part of each other's lives, we laughed and joked like best friends but we weren't seeing each other as much. I thought maybe we were heading in a new direction, but I'd been hurt and was wary of some of her flakey and often bizarre behaviour.
Then on February 21st, we're both at the gym...sweating...I ask why she hasn't been coming out to our dance club recently. She says..and I quote..."Oh, I've been seriously dating a guy now...we have to see each other a lot because after 3 months, I don't want to waste my time. We want the same things. But he's not like you, we weren't friend from before...but there have been conflicts he wants to see me everyday of the public holidays but I have to see my family so some conflict...Anyway, please don't tell anyone about this ok?"
Gulp....my "friend" just treated me like I was a nothing...like she's more worried about what our friends might think about this than having any regard for my feelings...
The rest is a train wreck...Read my posts. I was quite a mess emotionally. Now I'm back to my more normal self. I haven't seen her except for a few brief glimpses at the gym when I avert her look and keep walking.
I'm feeling stronger and better, so of course my thoughts meander into "What if I did call her?" But I stop and I think you should too for all the reasons I mention above.
Hang in there and let us know how it goes.
Thank you everyone for reading these posts:
I sent her an email (which in my opinion breaks my own NC) but I didn't want her to think I read her email. I don't trust her anymore anyway, she just blew my mind with some of the antics she did. I don't want to know what her excuses are, I just want to remember what she did. I have no set NC, I really hadn't planned on talking to her. Is this too hard core? I felt myself sliding in the face of this email. I wasn't going to go to work...It's only been a month since I've spoken to her... I wrote "I'm not reading your email, please don't send any more" I month ago I had to tell her I wasn't talking to her anymore, so how much worse is this?
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