celibate since the break up
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celibate since the break up
| Wed, 03-28-2007 - 7:28pm |
Hello guys. I have not been here since January. Just to update everyone, me and my ex broke up around November. I took it really hard because I was deep in the relationship and he just up and decided that he couldn't handle the commitment. We were together for about a year and a half when we broke up. We work together, but live like two hours away from each other, so I guess the distance got too complicated for him. Anyway, we did the "no contact" thing through the holidays, which was very, very hard and very depressing. But then, in January, he started calling me and apologizing for hurting me. He expressed how although he's still not ready for a commitment, he missed me being in his life. He wanted to try being "friends". At first, I was all against the friends thing because I was not over him, but he's been very persistant since January and after many heartfelt arguments on how I couldn't handle him in my life without a real relatinship, I guess I finally just gave in to the constant phone calls. So, we talk now on a regular basis. Actually, he calls me every day on his break just wanting to "chat". It's just small talk like, "how's your day going?" or we'll talk about how work is stressing us out. We don't see each other outside of work and have not been alone together since the breakup. Now, my problem is this: I have not had sex in five months and I'm about to explode!!! I've tried dating someone else, but I have no physical attraction to him, or anyone else for that matter. In fact, lately I just can't stop thinking about being intimate with my ex again. I'm afraid to bring it up because I'm afraid of being rejected. I've been kinda hoping that he'll bring it up, or at least ask me out, but he stays clear from any conversation that has to do with getting back together. So, for the past few days, I've been cutting our conversations short because I'm afraid of saying the wrong things and having emotions flair up again, plus I've been pretty sexually frustrated so I'm just not in a chatty mood with anyone right now. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't think I can handle this friendship thing. I think I'm still in love with him and I know I want to have sex with him again. I think I may even be willing to have a sexual relationship with him if he's still not ready to commit, but I don't want to make it look like I'm using him for sex. WHAT SHOULD I DO? Should I tell him how I feel and risk feeling dumped all over again if he's against it? Or should I just go with the flow and maintain the friendship, ignoring my feelings hoping it will pass. Or should I just go back to the no contact? HELP!!!

Hi Sprung, I hear you on the sexual frustation issue. I think this message board is PG 13 so I'm going to try to be as discreet as possible. Have you tried to "relieve" your frustration at home? There are alot of "stuff" online you can find to help you in "relieving" your frustration. As for your ex. It's obvious he's using the ol'let's be "friends" bit to jump back into your life. The question is do you want him back in your life again? Are you prepared to get hurt again, if he once again CAN'T commit or find another excuse for breaking up with you?
To be honest, I'm not sure if he can commit now if he couldn't before. If you think he can commit to you now and you're willing to get hurt again if it turns out he really can't, then continue with this "friendship". If you don't think it's good to get back with him for whatever reason, then stop ALL contact. Tell him you like to be friends but you can't do so until you COMPLETELY moved on. If he doesn't respect your decision, don't respond to his efforts to contact you. Block his IMs, delete his email address and all his emails without reading them, change your phone number or block his incoming calls. Someone suggested to change their ex's name on the phone to, to "sucks in bed" or "he's not worth it" to remind themselves why they shouldn't answer. Perhaps you can change it to "can't commit", up to you be creative. LOL
If you continue to keep in touch with him or continue to be "friends" with him it make it very hard or close to impossible to get over him. It's undoing all the work you accomplished in getting over your ex. You'll have to start all over again to be able to get over him. Whatever your decision is I hope it's one that will make you happy in the long run.
Hi sprungandhateit,
Sex with an ex will just muddy the water so to speak.