He broke up with me, again

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
He broke up with me, again
12
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 7:53am
Hi, I've dating him for almost 2 years, apparently everything was great until we had a huge fight 2 months ago, he broke up with me saying we had different personalities and no future, but he wanted to be still friends, that I was his best friend and he kept calling everyday, we started going out again and without talking about it, we went back together. After that, if he have an argument, he would say that it'll be better to break up, anyway he just broke up with me AGAIN yesterday, and again he said the BS about friendship and how great of a person I am, but that his feelings had change and he's not the same guy that was deeply crazy about me, etc.. he asked me to call him today, to hung around, like friends... I'm devastated again, not as much as 2 months ago though, I keep thinking what went wrong, he treated me like a princess, he didn't flirt with other girls, never cheated on me, etc... yet again, I guess he just stopped loving me. I don't know if I should do the "friends" game.
please send me your comments about this!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 8:00am
I am in the exact same boat! My ex is hung up on this friends thing, like not having me in his live would be so devastating, but he doesn't want the responsibility of a real relationship. And I've tried just doing the friends thing and the chatty thing over the phone, but it's just not working for me because I want more. I still love him and I miss all the intimacy, and it does not seem to phase him that we have not "been together" in five months. All I can say is I empathize with you. Why is it so easy for them to swith to the "friends" mode?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 2:08pm

Hi katie_vi,


People fall in love and stay in love, not because of how they feel about the other person, but how they feel about themselves while with the other person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 3:33pm
Dont drag around and be depressesed about it, have fun while you're single. If he really wants you he'll come around. Dont run after him because if he fusses with you all the time you guys may need to take a break because I had a problem like this before with my boyfriend that i have been going with for the past year and a half. We took a break and now we have been okay and happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 9:06pm
So here is a little follow up of my sadest day in life!... his roomate had a dinner party last night, so I was supposed to go, yes I was going before break-up.. yesterday ex-bf called and ask me for the dinner... ok I know what you are thinking, why would I answer his calls! he called from a payphone ... so no way I knew it was him, anyway he asks me if I'm going to the dinner! what??! (helloo! u just broke up with me yesterday!) obviously I didn't say that :) um oh! Hi hello! I'm tired so I think I'd rather stay home, and he wants me to call him later, yeah right! ....anyhow, but this is nothing! here comes the best part, today he calls, obviously I won't answer (I already setup my cellphone for not ringing when I get a call from his home, work, office, gym, and now the pay phone) and he leaves me the message, he wants me to go to his grandparents party tomorrow, wtf?! doesn't he realize he just broke up with me!!!! Do I sound psycho? well maybe, but I'm going through some really really painfull endless hours, minutes, seconds! ... and the least thing I want to do is go and play the nice cool ex-girlfriend stuff in front of all his family!!! no way! I feel like crying... well your comments are more than welcome, it feels great to share the pain with all the people here...thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 10:45pm

It sounds like he is looking for you to be his pseudo- girlfriend. You go to functions and family gatherings but you have none of the exclusivity or committment of actually continuing to be his GF. In other words, he gets his cake and gets to eat it too. You are doing well to back off and not answer his calls. Stay strong and do what is best for you and if that means not being his friend or his back up date then stand your ground.

good luck,
YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 6:53pm
He called me again (from another pay phone).. and asked me for dinner, today saturday night! does he want to come back with me?? on the phone he sound so cool and so cold as well.. at least I had plans already with my girlfriends so I said of course not .. he wants me to call him later night , is he having second thoughts? I think he misses me .. we used to see each other everyday until he decided to break up with me (3 days ago), anyhow it's been 3 days and it's so hard, it'd hurt me deeply if we go out and he doesn't look as devastated as I am... at least my friends are there for me, I don't know what to do .. the last time he broke up we went out as usual and eventually we were together again, well I miss him soooo much, I know I sound pathetic!
I wont answer my cellphone from unknown numbers anymore :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 8:45pm

I did go through a similar experience with what I call a "boomerrang boy". He would want to take a break but in a couple of days he would want to get back together. I settled it by givng him and myself 3 weeks to decided what we both really wanted. In that time we would not talk or email or hang out, we would give each other plenty of space to decide what we really wanted to do. After the time had past, we talked and decided to end things. My point with this is that I think he has no idea what he wants and is trying to hang on to you and figure that out at the same time, which never realy works. I think you need time apart to let both of you think about what you really want and if you can give that to each other.

YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 9:22am

Hi Katie,

I went through a similar experience. You can read my posts about the pain and anguish of the "Friendship Trap."

You CAN"T be friends with someone you're in love with PERIOD. It's a DEAD END and a ticket to more HEARTACHE.

Why? Because you always have an agenda of trying to get back together. Also, he too has an agenda. Being "friends" with you know, is his way of CONTROLLING you. It's manipulative and you're naively being manipulated.

My ex wanted to be "Friends" too while she jumped into another "serious" relationship while praising me as the greatest guy with the best "chemistry".

Ummmm...if it was so great...why are you with someone else????

You have to cut the chord, disconnect and start healing on your own. Why do you want to be "friends" with someone who hurt you?

He TRASHED the relationship, now he wants to be a part of your psyche.

He can't commit to a relationship but he can't commit to saying goodbye either.

But you do have control. YOu have control over your life to walk away and NEVER EVER come back. That's the only way you can heal. Abandon all hopes of a reunion, disconnect completely and focus on grieving the loss so you can get over it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2006
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 6:37pm

Hi there,

I too was in a similar situation. My ex-bf did this to me 6 times in 7 months! Yes, pathetic, and I now know that *I* was the one who should have put a stop to it all. I was so in love with him and he was good at convincing me that things had changed. NOPE!

He's definitely trying to have his cake and eat it to. As long as he knows you're willing to spend time with him, he will continue to ask you to hang out. He doesn't want to let go of you, and probably does miss the good times you had, but if he's not willing to commit to a serious relationship with you, he doesn't deserve to spend time with you! He doesn't deserve to know what you're up to and how you're doing! He lost that chance when he broke your heart and started jerking you around. He should be so lucky to keep you in his life.

I know it sounds harsh and I know its so hard to walk away. But you have to be strong and break away from this back-and-forth crap. He needs to know what it feels like to really be without you (I mean longer than 3 days). It will get easier not to talk to him.... it will get easier to avoid his calls.

He wants to "be friends". That can't happen if you're still in love with him. And quite frankly, I agree with the previous poster, in that he doesn't deserve to be your friend after everything he put you through.

Be strong and remember to take care of number one... thats YOU!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 12:03am
ok .. he keeps calling me, but this is getting ridiculous, he would call to see what I'm doing and he always wants to hang out, he calls me even more than we were together.. it's geeting annoying because I know he just wants to know what I'm doing, as soon as he knows my agenda he would relax and stop calling, is this his way to say I'm sorry, I miss you so much? I'm planning to spend esater with my family, they live 4 hnours away from where we live, and I won't be in the city, so I can just turn my cell off .... I keep saying I won't answer but then he calls calls calls until I answer .... I don't know what else to do, I can't change my phone #.
sad!

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