Support desperately needed!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Support desperately needed!
3
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 2:06pm

Hi everyone I just found this board today and boy do I need it! I'm feeling so low and so bad right now, I'm wondering how I can cope.

I've been dating a guy for about a year and 3 months and its been a roller coaster ride to say the least. Problem is, I'm having such a hard time letting go. I'm so hurt and upset and I just want it all to stop.

We broke up and got back together a lot during the time that we've been together. There seemed to be so many issues for both of us and we seem to be very selfish when it comes to our feelings.

The past couple months have been the worst. He would break up with me for the stupidest things and then I'd call him and try to work it out. He would say the nastiest things to me and talk down to me and communication completely broke down.

Last week during a conversation we were having on the phone, I mentioned that I was having a hard time dealing with some stuff about him and was trying to explain myself. During my explanation, I said "it kind of makes me feel like its not worth it". Right away he jumped on it and said "you want to break up?". This lead to an argument between us and him hanging up on me saying "f-you". This was last Thursday.

I had a couple of hard but bearable days and then he called me on Sunday. All my anger and pent up rage came out on him, stuff that I had been holding in for a long time so although it felt good to get it out, it came out a lot more nasty and harsh than I meant. My cordless phone died in the middle of our conversation and neither of us called back.

Monday was tough but again it was bearable. Tuesday night he called again. Having a productive conversation was impossible. Both of us were talking and neither of us was listening. By the time I got off the phone, I was crying my eyes out and was very upset. The next day a friend of mine told me that she saw his picture on the dating site we met. I checked it out and sure enough, he's back on there. This was the beginning of my downward spiral.

The past few days have been hell for me. I'm not eating, I'm not sleeping. Yesterday I called him to just try to make some peace between us. To tell him that I really did love him and that I was sorry it didn't work out. He was nasty and cold and insulted me. As if that wasn't enough, I sent him an email trying to explain myself yet again. He sent back a response that was equally as nice with a few explanations. He said it would be good to talk and that if I wanted to talk, he would be home. I called last night, no answer, finally I left a pathetic message.

Then this morning, I called again - ok somebody shoot me right about now! I told him that I just wished him the best and I was sorry. He started brining up stuff to throw in my face and hurt me with, called me all kinds of names and said "I don't have any hope for you" in regards to my future relationships and hung up on me.

I cried and cried and I've been feeling so bad all day. If that's not bad enough, I'm obsessing over this profile he's got up and I just keep hurting myself. How do I stop this, how do I start to feel better again. My self-esteem is at an all time low and it hurts so much. I tried and tried to show him how much I love him and he just refuses to believe it, its so frustrating and painful, I feel like I'm dying inside.

Wow, I could really use a hug right about now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 2:26pm

Honey, I'm sending you that hug that you need, BUT I ask you why would you want to stress about and get back together wth a man who is, in your own words, nasty and abusive and rude to you? What's the pay off here? The pain and hurt and humiliation? Do you do it because you think you can't meet someone else?

Dating three months with such issues of disrespect and such are a HUGE RED FLAG. Imagine yourself in 6 months OR if you marry him? It'll all escalate to punches in the face and more violence. This man is not BF or husband material. He likes to verbally and emotionally abuse you.

Yopu seem to have low self esteem and think that a relationship is all about the insults and rudeness. If he's cold and rude and abusive, then this is the man who will date down the road and if you decide to marry him, expect only punches in the face and more rude behavior. This man doesn't respect you at all.

I'd run the other way as fast as I could. You ARE setting yourself up for more abuse if you continue looking to get back togerther with his abusive and rude man..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 3:36pm

Thank you for your words. Just to clarify, we've been together for 1 year and 3 months. I know what you are saying. I keep thinking to myself, if I had just been stronger the last I don't know 4 times he broke up with me I'd be so over it by now.

I was in an abusive relationship in the past. Way, waaaay in the past but I've often thought to myself how I'm doing the same things with this guy. Something with him has triggered this inside of me. I have a pretty good life, I have a great job that I've been at for almost 9 years, 2 wonderful kids, friends, what more could I ask for, but when it comes to this guy, I have no self worth whatsoever. You are right, I don't want to be with a guy who treats me like that.

It was nice to feel so strong last weekend and to give him a piece of my mind but I felt bad about what I said because I said it in anger. Today all I wanted to do was tell him I love him and try to end it on good terms without the blaming and finger pointing. All it did was upset me and I feel so insulted. I feel like I have been so misunderstood. It hurts and its frustrating.

Thanks for the hug...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 3:38pm

Welcome to the board hurtmyheart,


Here's some reading material to consider:


How To Get Over Your Breakup