today's a bad day

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
today's a bad day
26
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 6:05pm

today's such a bad day. my ex broke up with me "officially" less than a week ago. before that we had broken up the week before but said that we'll take a few days to think about it and talk again. well we talked, and i told him everything that i was feeling, being completely honest and what i thought was brave, and he said he just doesn't see himself with me. he doesn't see himself ever falling in love with me. i didn't love him either but i loved being with him. i loved so many things about him and i thought you know, it's only been 5 months, love takes a while. but he decided to give up he says he has a "gut" feeling that it won't work out. and i just dont understand how he can just let it go. i was his longest relationship and he is 26! he said i was the best thing that ever happened to him but i guess still not good enough. we didn't fight, we enjoyed each other so much. and yeah i felt like something was missing too but i also thought that bc he added so much in my life, that i'd give it time and see how it goes. not give up for the off chance that things may not work out in the future.

so we haven't talked since thursday. and it's so hard. i miss him like crazy. i was doing fine on thursday, i was feeling mad and angry at him and feeling better off. but as more days go by the hurt seems to grow. isn't it supposed to be the other way round? i can't concentrate on anything. my friends have been wonderful but i think they may be getting tired of the gloominess. i can't seem to even fake it. work doesnt make sense, my life doesnt make sense. i loved being with him, his companionship, everything that we did together. and you know i know i'll be fine, i went through something much worse 2 yrs ago with who i thought was the love of my life, so this isn't even close but it still hurts. and it's affecting everything about me. i feel like i'm slipping and can't really get a hold of anything. and i miss him. and i feel nauseous more times a day than not. and i am so afraid of being alone again, and single again and having to go through the cycle all over. there were so many things about him that i was always looking in a guy. yes i think that big click was missing but i thought it would come eventually. he didn't. and i'm scared i'm never going to find anyone that has all those traits ever again.

i'm heartbroken...when does this stop? i want to snap out of it but i cant.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 7:10pm

Breaking up is always heart-wrenching and hard. It's easy to get used to someone being around all the time and the comfort and companionship it gives you. But one thought to help you along through the tough times ahead: you weren't in love with him. And you deserve nothing less. If the spark wasn't there in the beginning, wasn't there at 5 months, it won't ever be. Maybe it would have been your preference to wait and see but in the meantime you're tying yourself up from meeting the guy who really gives you butterflies. And he's out there. You've found people before to date, so why would that suddenly change? See this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and improve yourself as a person. It's in between relationships that this happens more than any other time because you don't have anything else to distract you.

Things will get better so hang in there. And let us know how it's going. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 7:44pm

Each day will be different, but refocusing your thoughts on another area of your life will help speed it up. Preferably doing something that will better yourself in some way. Reading, learning, a job, journaling... anything that you can think of really. You will have good days and bad days and some times it will feel like you are taking steps backwards, bt just be patient. The day will come when it will hurt no more.

Kat

www.saveakat.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 9:12pm

thanks elliewu and kat. the support helps.

elliewu you're right i do deserve to be with someone who gives me butterflies and to whom i give the same back. i'm just so sad because i saw so much potential in us. there were moments that it was so good that i felt like i loved him. and then there were moments when he was inconsiderate or less thoughtful or distant and i was thinking i deserve better than that. on paper we were perfect together. he's smart, driven, motivated me to do things i always wanted to do, loved to travel as much as i did, had the same goals and values as me and made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt. and he was always so physically expressive...he would hold my hand or put his arm around me no matter where we were. i felt cared for, and even if i wasn't head over heels in love with him i really really cared about him. maybe the deep love would've never come, who knows, but i'm so hurt that he gave it up when things were so good.

but you're right i need to focus on me right now. it's just hard to focus on anything than the loss some days. that will change right?

i'm trying my best not to contact him. he texted me yesterday but i didn't write back. and it's hard. because i want to tell him i miss him, i miss the feeling of him and being with him. i know healing will take time but right now it hurts and i can't think of anything else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 3:46pm

Yes, the hurt you feel inside WILL go away. It's hard, but know that this is TEMPORARY. And you are strong enough to handle anything that you know has an end point.

Good for you for staying strong and not contacting him. It isn't fair that he is contacting you and trying to get you to hang on by doing so when he is the one who said he doesn't want to be with you.

Make taking care of yourself the number one priority right now. Be nice to yourself because you're going through something really hard. Go out and exercise - it'll make you feel great. Do things that you like to do. Eat something yummy. Try not to think about the future, just focus on getting through the day. And then the next one. One day you'll realize you don't hurt as much anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 11:20pm

thank you elliewu! today was actually much better. i'm taking it a day at a time like you said. and today wasn't as bad. i can only hope tomorrow's even better. i just have to tell myself that i'm better off in the long run. and maybe i'll stop missing him soon.

thank you. i wish you all the best too with your healing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 2:05pm

You're welcome, cnfusedg. Let's stay strong and do what's right and the day will come when we can close this difficult chapter in our lives and be happy and at peace again.

Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 7:20pm

oh no - i accidentally broke NC. I sent an email i meant to send to my client to him. and he wrote back and was very cute about commenting on the content of the email. baaah. i wrote back "sorry typed too fast"

was that rude? should have i even written back at all? now he just reminded me of how cute and adorable he is. and i had just made it into one week of NC.

shoot :(
i miss him :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 7:43pm

No, accidental breaking NC doesn't count, so don't worry about it. The response was brief and it completely maintained your dignity. You had to respond saying that you sent it accidentally so he wasn't left thinking you meant to send it to him. The key now is not to respond if he writes back, hard as that is. Yes, he may be cute, but he also has the serious characted flaw of not wanting to be with you.

Keep reminding yourself that he hurt you and that he lost his chance by doing so. Go do something distracting if you can. It's unfortunate that this happened but it doesn't change anything. You're still doing everything right. Sending you strength.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 2:50pm

yea he never wrote back. even though i wanted him to.

does this ever happen to any of you? you've spend a couple of good days. trying to minimize thinking about him. you're feeling good about yourself. you're feeling you're going to be ok. and then one nightmare, one dream where you relive everything and you wake up with a big knot on your stomach and a weight in your heart? and suddenly you miss someone so much it hurts? and you just want to touch them be held by them and told that everything will be ok?

that's what i'm feeling today. i can feel his arms around me, cuddling me, making me feel wanted and desired. and i found a pic of him from a party a week ago and he looked so sad. and i just want to be with him. would it be really bad if i just texted hi to him right now?

i was doing so well. had 9 days of NC :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 7:01pm

The ups and downs in feelings are normal. The wanting to be with him and then being angry is all part of the process. Just tell yourself whatever you feel right now is OK. Keep focussed on the logic of why you're not together anymore. Because he didn't want to be. And that is his loss. It's hard, but hang in there. It will get better.

How is the NC thing going now?

Pages