One day at a time :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
One day at a time :)
4
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 6:05pm
Hello all,
Well its 3 weeks since me and my ex broke up and honestly, its still very, very hard. First 10 days we had no contact at all, then he started e-mailing, calling and texting...which sucked cause I swear I was doing better. The break up was his idea because "he isnt ready" but why all this after the break up. We talked last week a few times and he keeps on telling me how he is half empty and how this has been the hardest thing on him. Sure, it is hard but whats the point of telling all of this to a girl you broke up with. He keeps on talking about this "greater presence" that he believe will bring us together. One thing that I am very proud of is not seeing him at all after we broke up. Its hard because I so miss him, but I think that we would just be us again and we would be back together a day later, which honestly is not somethnig either one of us should want. I keep on reminding him that this all happened for a reason and I truly do hope that he needs to get his mind together before we can ever be anything ever again. The last time we talked was on Friday night...very hard breaking, we need to stay strong, bla bla. We both said no calling, seeing or anything. The funny thing is that he is one of those macho dudes and he wont ever admit of feelings or emotions at all. He has admited that he has been checking my myspace page a whole whole lot just to get a glimpse. Why??? He broke up with me, why do we need this now? Anyway, he never logs into myspace...and now he is on, on the weekends too. I know that its up to me to decide what I can allow and what I cant....this is the guy that I truly care for and is awesome, but than again HE BROKE UP WITH ME !!!
Ugh.....I guess I just dont get him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2007
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 7:03pm

I understand your frustration, my ex boyfriend did a lot of confusing things immediately after he broke up with me.

Think of it this way, what do you think you deserve? Do you deserve someone who can't really make up their mind and make a commitment and who strings you along because they can't resolve their own issues and conflicts? Or do you deserve someone who is 100% sure they are willing to put the same dedication and effort into a relationship that you are? I think we all deserve the latter.

I for one, would have been willing to try anything to make it work with my ex, but he's not willing to put forth the same effort, and that's unfair and is only going to hurt me. I believe that a relationship between two people, even a friendship, can never work if both parties aren't committed to at least TRYING to keep the relationship alive and healthy. I wish us both luck, it sounds like you are looking at this the right way. If he really wanted to be with you, he would make the effort.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 7:49pm

He can't be that awesome to hurt you this much. He is diregarding your feelings and emotions by reeling you in just to let you down. A man that is worth hanging on to will respect your feelings at almost all times. Just remember what you deserve... Don't settle for anything less..

Kat

www.saveakat.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 11:33pm
Giiiirrrrlll!!! I TOTALLY know what you mean!!!! Wow! I am going through almost the exact same thing. My bf broke up with me about a month ago, but we saw each other that next weekend. See, we used to live together (BIG MISTAKE!) and so now I let him come up to the apartment when I'm spending the night out. I wanted to start the process of getting over him, but it has been SERIOUSLY hard when I come back to the apartment and he's there. It's like, um, what are you doing still here? But then I just let it go bc I'm still emotionally attached! I've TRIED to not call him, text him or anything, but HE'S the one who does it to me! He even told me he was addicted to me and can't get me out of his head! So I definitely know what you mean. I just think your dude is confused and is now missing you a lot. And this "greater presence"? What the hell is that? My bf says the same thing too!!!! I just want to say "What?! Why don't you just make up your freakin mind!!!??" Also like your guy, he says he needs to "figure things out right now". I'm sorry, I don't think that I want to hang with someone who ISN'T SURE if he wants to be with me. I say F that! I think the best thing to do is keep away from him until he comes crawling back. You know guys, they always want what they can't have. If you two had a great relationship, then maybe this break will bring some perspective. Guys act differently than girls in these situations. But honey, you have to think for yourself too. Thats what I keep telling myself. He's the one that broke up with you (like my situation!) and we shouldn't feel that we're missing out then!!! We're wonderful and can get any guy! I know it hurts SO MUCH! But you can't live in the past once someone decides they don't want you anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 11:39am
Yes its hard. I am okay, going to work, going out with friends and pretty much just doing my thing. I think this break up can make him realize that he isnt as macho as he thought he was and that he needs to put other peoples perspectives instead of his all the time. I am not in that mood where I am like, oh man I am single, bring on the guys. I almost feel like its MY time. I like that I have all this free time to hang out and finish every day things that I enjoy. I think the worst feeling of the day is waking up in the morning and realizing he isnt next to you or that you wont be talking to him, its like a punch to the stomach. But you get up and try not to think about it and pretend like everything is ok. At the end of the day, he did hurt me by being so open with me and hurting me at the same time. You girls are right I cant have anyone in my life that isnt at least willing to try and going to give up the first chance he gets...
I know I will be ok, with him or without him. Its just that healing process...its hard.