A rough night/morning

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2005
A rough night/morning
9
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 5:58am
I'm having a really tough time right now. The man I love broke up with me last week, and my feelings have really run the gamut. Last night and this morning, though, all I can think of is how unfair it is that I hurt so much and he's not hurting at all. He's probably moved on to someone else already, and my life is shattered. That feeling is so strong that it really scares me. He called me Sunday night and we talked for probably 10-15 minutes. Nothing like the 1 or 2 hour conversations we used to have. At the end, he told me to take care of myself. How come he's not hurting? How come I meant so little to him? I need this pain to go away, because this is too much to take now.

Everything happens for a reason

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2007
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 10:34am

hi there

I know how you are feeling. Its as if we are the only ones ever affected by all this. Im sure he isnt going around living his life like nothing has happened, i think men just handle it differently. I feel my ex has hardly noticed im gone, but deep down i know he cares really, but its hard for us to see that at first because we are hurt.

Remember that he has also lost you in all of this and regardless of who ends the relationship there is pain either side. He is upset things havent worked out because he wouldnt be human otherwise. Focus all your energy on yourself, imply NC and things will gradually seem better x

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 10:54am
No. I don't think he truly cares. I think this is a lie we tell ourselves to make the hurt easier. That we didn't love a total a**hole. But the truth is, if they cared they wouldn't hurt us so. I thnk these types just eventually get bored, they need the THRILL, the EXCITEMENT to feel life. To feel like men. The conquest is over. I got dumped after 4 years. One day he wanted to marry me next day he dumped me. I too tried to myself he will come around, it just CAN'T be. but it was. He doesn't care. IF he cmes back, it iwll be to satisfy some deep rooted need of his, NOT because he loved me. I think such types just don't know what love is. Or it isn't enough for them. They need other things. Not us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 11:24am

I beleive that what you are saying is not true. I am sure he cares and is hurting.

The same thing happened to me. I love my girl and, at one point, we were both planning our wedding. At some point, she lost her love for me and then broke up with me. I love her so much but it's not enough. I know she is hurting too. She said she wished she still loved me but she doesn't feel any love for me so it's over. It hurts on both sides. I hurt because I love her and she hurts because she doesn't want to hurt me so much but, she cannot stay in a relationship that doesn't make her happy.

Try not to think about it so much and occupy your time with things to do. I know it's hard but it is all you can do. I haven't had contact since Friday and I hope I can last longer. It's tough though. Hang in there.

Rob

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 12:28pm

Welcome to the board wendymelis,


Just because he's not talking to you or sharing with you how he feels, doesn't mean he's not feeling anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2005
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 12:46pm
Thank you all for your responses. I feel (or I'd like to feel) that he does hurt on some level, just not as deeply as I do. My pain is so overwhelming right now and I'm trying to take things one hour at a time, but my mind races in a million different directions, and I always find a memory of some sort popping into my head when I least expect it. I sort of dread the weekend, because I'll be thinking about him, no matter how hard I try not to. I know it's a long hard process to successfully and healthfully survive a break up. I want to make it through to that poing and not care if he's doing something with someone else or not. It's just so hard.

Everything happens for a reason

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 1:00pm
when i read what you wrote, it was like you were talking about my situation. the man i love also just broke up with me a week ago. I believe that it is truly unfair that it seems like he is not hurting at all, but I think that he is probably hurting just as much as you are. I have done a lot of thinking about this too, and I have come to the conclusion that I shouldn't assume that he isn't hurting, because he probably is. And that I can't erase the time we shared together, I will never forget it. Also I am sure he thinks the world of you, otherwise I don't think that he would call and see how you are doing and hopes that you will be happy and take care of yourself. I know it's hard not to think that he doesn't care about you, but I think if we can both try to make ourselves happy first we can get through it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 1:17pm

Everything you feel is normal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2005
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 1:49pm
Thank you so much for your words. I'm hoping the best for both of us--for all of us here on this board.
Hugs

Everything happens for a reason

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 4:14pm

Hi

Im sorry you are going through this, this is day 2 of my break up, i didn't even get a good bye :( after 3 1/2 years. I feel the same about my ex, just seems like they have no feelings, and then i also think maybe they are conditioned to pretend they have no feelings and it makes it easier on themselves, men and women will always think about things differently, unfortunately we women seem to think about things too much and overanalyze things.
Just take care of yourself, do things for yourself and take care of you. It takes time for the pain to go away.

hope it gets better for you.