We finally ended it
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| Wed, 04-04-2007 - 12:41am |
My boyfriend and I have been having problems for a while. But we had a big row a few weeks ago and decided to try & work it out by communicating better. Tonight he just told me he can't read minds, just tell him what to change & he'll change it. I told him that I couldn't ask him to do that, that he had to want to change, and that things can't just be fine until I say they aren't; he has to start taking responsibility for initiating the communication too. Long story short, he said he didn't know if he could be what I wanted him to be, and...we broke up.
It's mutual, sort of. I mean, neither of us want to break up. We love each other still, I want the best for him. But I also know that if we stayed together we would have pushed each other away and ended up hating each other.
HOW can I get over this, when I still love him? When we both know we aren't right for each other, but still want to be together? We have NOTHING in common, don't want the same things out of life, etc. But I still love him. I want him to be the one, but I don't think he is - I think he's not ready for this right now, and I can't hate him for knowing that.
But I can't stop crying, I feel horrible, and I miss him so much I feel like I'm going to throw up at any given moment. WHAT can I do?!?!?!????

hey tomato ~
you will gets lots of help and good advice here. i am working through the same feelings you are re: knowing it won't work but knowing i love him despite it all. i'm a little further along in the process than you, it's been over 30 days since i last spoke to my ex. it has not been an easy process, but i promise that no contact is the best way to get through this. it gives you time to clear your head, refocus, and figure out what you need and want.
please read _It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken_. it's an excellent book, and kinda silly, but the silliness actually helps a lot. i've read it cover to cover three times and it helps a ton.
hang in there, you're going to get through this!
hey tomato256
kind of in the same boat here!! the only things i can reccomend are venting to GOOD friends, which are hard to come by, and cry if you want to! after all, it is your party!! i can empathize with the wanting to be with him since he is the devil you know and the devil he knows is you. that however doesn't mean it was meant to be.
having things in common is a good thing although you don't want to have everything in common.
my problem is we fell hard for eachother and now we don't see eachother at all!!? he was having relations with another, whom he sees daily, and we all used to work in the same place. no she isn't my friend although we know eachother. he isn't sure how to handle it if she were to find out that he is/was seeing me. he says he is VERY interested in being with me and has to overcome this problem. i know that we are in love with eachother and neither has stated this the other and i know we both know this to be true. i have fallen in love with this person more than 5 times in the last 2 yrs. maybe i'm just a fool being fooled. as i said we longer see eachother and he will call sometimes to check me.
it just sux when you can see you and this other person doing so much together and then one day it is just gone. the upside, you stated that you already know you weren't meant to be together, that tells me that there is something better out there for you. someone you will know you are meant to be with. just remember not to settle just because.