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| Wed, 04-04-2007 - 2:39pm |
My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years, we have lived together for the past nine months. I come home yesterday and he has packed some of his stuff and left, no good bye or anything, Will not answer my phone call or email. I think what hurts so much is that he didn't atleast tell me he was leaving. I felt like something was up the past 3 weeks, that he was getting his ducks in a row so to speak, even gave him the opening to tell me he was leaving, this past weekend everything seemed to be going well he was very caring we had great weekend. He was excited about the job interview he had yesterday, i talked to him at 830 he told me about he interview and said he would see me soon, I go home and some of his stuff is gone. It was no more than 1hr since i had talked to him. I go from numb to sad to angry, at myself and him. Cant eat anything, slept maybe 2 hrs last night, it feels so empty with out him, it makes it harder because he left some of his stuff there, he just packed what he could get in his vehicle and moved to his parents. We also worked together, I got him the job so i have to deal with it a work also. Why can't I just be angry at him without the hurt part? I want to be ANgry at him, he did wrong, but i think im more angry with myself. I don't think i deserved the way he did it. Why would someone do that to someone else? Ive emailed him and asked him what to do with his last check, and the stuff he left at my house, no reply, I think of ways i can get back at him, but i don't know that that is worth it, I don't think it would make me feel better. Or should i just let it go? I sent a letter to his mom (they live 3 hrs away) explaining a couple of things he left, a table his father made him and a table he made back in highschool, and some yearbooks and stuff like that, if they were mine i would not want to lose them, the rest of the stuff has no sentimental value. If he would get in touch with me a tell me why he did it the way he did, that might help me but i don't know. I am so tired of crying and wondering what i did to be treated like that. I don't want to go home, i don't want to be at work. How can i get closure if he won't even talk to me?
any advice would be helpful

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Welcome to the board sassisizz,
I asked Sheri to respond to your post as she has been through this.
You have questions and need closure but really its going to just have to happen when it happens you can't force him to talk and the more you try the more he's going to distance himself. People are going to tell you to "take care of you" and "move on with life" etc, etc, etc. Do what makes you feel good and what you feel is right for you and when its right for you don't rush anything.
I always feel so stupid and foolish when people tell me to "move on". I ask them what exactly I'm doing that saying to them that I'm standing still and really I haven't gotten a clear answer. I'm going through something, I'm going through the hurt and yes him and i are in a push and pull of feelings but it makes me feel better, and that's all I really care about. Do what's right for you.
yes he left the keys. I guess i need to find something to keep me occupied and i know eventually it will get better, just right now it doesn't seem that way.
thanks
I'm sorry it was so completely sudden and unexplained like that.
hi
i'm sorry for all you go through just now. don't be upset with yourself, be upset at him for being such a coward and not at least telling you he was leaving. believe in yourself and all you have to offer. you did right by him even helping him get a job and now he just up and leaves!!? i see that as a good thing cuz he apparently wouldn't have your back if you needed him to whereas i can see you have always had his back.
in regards to his belongings he left behind. . . send them to him at mummy and daddy's house and send it COD. why keep the stuff there just to pain you even further?! either send it back or do what he did, throw it away no explanation. don't get vendictive and want to get back at him as that will blow up in your face and we all want you to come out smelling like a rose. he did the wrong thing not you!! i had to tell myself, out loud, to stop, stop, STOP when i caught myself thinking about my ex. i think it worked as i don't have days where thoughts of him are all consuming. wake up, he's on my mind, eat- he's there, shower- he's there certain songs- he's there!! sound familiar? and it does get better with time and even i had a hard time believing that one!!
good luck, cheer up and don't be so hard on yourself. i'm still a little frazzled myself and everyday it gets better.
ok, im new to this board so here goes:
Sudden but not really i felt something was going on, so i should have been prepared.
LDR until 9 months ago, quit his job, moved here i got him a job where i work. He was trying to sell his house in atl and it didn't sell until Jan so that 7 months he continued to pay his bills and i paid all the living expenses here, he didnt even have to come downstairs to eat i would bring him his meals upstairs and most of the time we ate together in front of the pc. he is a gamer. He has lived alone for a long time, I know it wasn't easy for him, I have twin 17 yo daughters, he always said he might move to dothan, and he promised me he would tell me if he did. He came from the IT field to work as a foreman for architecual landscape company. He talked about us getting a house together even mentioned his parents would give him land and we could even build down there. Things started happening it seemed to me he was doing things getting his duck in a row so to speak the past three weeks, then i happened to see part of an email he was writing to his brother, (he didn't close it out fast enough) saying his mom was giving him until the 14th to be down there. I waited a few days and a couple things happened and i implied he was getting his ducks in a row to move, he told me i just haven't had the money to do some of these things that has needed to be done for awhile until after the house sold. I was so torn up last week, he asked what was wrong told him i had a feeling he was not going to be there one day i came home, told me i was worrying about nothing and things i have no control over. (that was Friday) hugged me told me he loved me. So the weekend was great we had a good weekend, he was excited about the interview here in bham. Tues rolls around he goes to his interview I call him at 830 to see how it went, he told me and said he would see me soon. I go home at 930 and some of his stuff is gone no note no anything, Like the last 3 1/2 years meant nothing.:( I just don't understand what i did to deserve it like that. Was i so wrong in trying my hardest to make him happy? He hasn't returned my phone call or my email.
thanks for listening
Oh, honey, I can't believe he left after that amount of time without saying good-bye! You'd think that at the very least he'd have the decency to leave a letter, an e-mail, anything??? This is completely unacceptable behaviour on his part and you deserve much, much better.
I wish you the best in gathering your strength to deal with this. It isn't going to be easy, but you are not alone. We are here to help you as you go through it.
sassisizz,
I am so sorry this happened to you. I have some similar issues with my break-up. Don't worry about your feelings, there's nothing wrong with how you feel. When you've loved someone for a long time, it's very hard to understand and accept that they could behave so cruelly. I've been broken up for a month, and i'm only now starting to feel angry instead of just hurt. It's still a mix of feelings though.
As far as his things go, I think you've done all you can. You've tried to contact him and if he doesn't reply than he's not taking responsibility for his things and you should probably just do as you wish with them. I don't know if you want to run the risk of trying to contact him and just being disappointed again and again by no response or a response you don't want.
I wish I could offer you more advice but i'm not that experienced myself. All I can really say is that I understand, to a degree, how you feel. Best of luck.
Hey there, I'm so sorry that this happened to you. As CL-Itwinflame mentioned, I have had an ex disappear on me so I have an inkling of how painful it can be. However, in my case it was an LDR of 18 months--he hadn't moved in with me. It was painful enough as it was, I can't imagine how much worse it must be in your situation.
In any event, I can tell you that it is totally possible to get "closure" from yourself. It's probably going to take a little longer than it would if your ex were less of a coward, but you'll get there. Eventually, you'll reach a point of accepting that a man who was right for you would NEVER have done something like this to you, so therefore your ex can't be right for you. It's a long, slow, painful process but if you stay focused on reaching that acceptance, you will get through it.
Hang in there and post as often as you need to.
Sheri
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