I need advice...and good advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
I need advice...and good advice
3
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 10:56am
okay...where to begin..forwarning this probably will be long...in highschool, 5 years ago, I started to date my best friend...to make a long story short, after 2 weeks he broke up with me through a note and later found out he did it because our other best friend liked me too and he didnt want to choose a guy over a girl...well we continued to have the same mutual friends and my feelings for him never went away...then i had to see him like other girls, and he was extremely mean to me on and off...two weeks would be horrible then for two days he was super nice then super mean etc etc...he never apoligized and always made me cry...and out of the blue after i have given up on him, two years later he imed me and apologized for everything he has done to me, telling me everything that happened between us was his fault and he misses my friendship etc etc...so we started hanging out and things were great, and we were best friends again and then started dating...this was a year and a half ago...after three weeks i realized we were two totally different people and things werent going to work out, i even tried to break up with him after two days because of dumb stuff he said...i wanted nothing more than to stay friends for him, evne though my feelings for him didnt go away i still cared about him and wanted to be with him but i just knew i couldnt...he made me break up with him online, bc i asked to come over to talk to him and he said he knew what i wanted to say so just do it online. that night i got really drunk wtih a friend and said how me breaking up with him was all his fault etc etc...well things were then bad, he wouldnt talk to me but we STILL had the same mutal friends...so I had to see him, im convinced my feelings would have went away faster if i didnt...but eventually my feelings went away but i still cared for him as a friend and wanted his friendship but he kept telling me things could never be the same, he claims its not because he would like me again but i dont know any other reasoning if we would JUST BE friends. well i continued to have to see him and he would flirt with others in front of me, and be mean to me, and i just had to take it. well then out of the blue he started to be nice to me again (like it was after we broke up in hs) then we hung out a few times and i thought our friendship was back on track but i was wrong and shortly he went back to not caring for me as a friend again. and emotionally it played with my heart. i do dumb drunk stuff like call and say stuff i dont mean and then i m him and he jsut ignores me. i have tried to talk sober and it doesnt work. and i dont want to play the game where he goes on his rampage of hating me and then out of the blue wants to be friends again i dont deserve that. and im sick of having to see him all the time and he totally ignores me. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO..and im not getting new friends. i love them
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 11:10am
Been there, done that... and its not fun. He shouldn't be playing mind games with you. Just when you moved on, such as I did. As extreme as moving away, he needs to make up his mind about what he wants. In life, relationships, and you. If he can't seem to stay away, he needs to confirm that he wants you. Not the "bootycall" he may be getting. Not that you give it to him. But sometimes, that's all it is. Guys can be cruel in that way and try to justify it cuz we, as women, let them do that to us. Be careful hon, and make what U WANT clear. That way, he can too. If he chooses to be "with" u, then he needs to be with u and not just come around cuz he gets lonely or jealous. And if he is jealous, that's not such a bad thing... :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 11:27am
thank you. yeah i def have never gave him a booty call lol...and i dont want him like that anymore. i just want friendship. i know i just need to be done
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 11:30am
Good for you... U tell him straight. And if he can't accept it, he wasn't your friend in the first place. Its his loss.