even baby steps hurt

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
even baby steps hurt
2
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 9:30am

i successfully did 2 days of no contact this week and am taking one day at a time.

every day is hard for me. i try not to dwell on him and what we had, but sometimes the littlest thing will remind me and then the pain wells up. i miss the physicality the most- primarily knowing that when i got home from work or went to his place that he would hold me and cuddle with me, making me feel safe and secure from the day's troubles. is there anything that i can do to help me ease over that? it is the one thing that i feel that would make my day better- just for 15 minutes, you know? i know that i cannot go to him and ask for that, because that would be opening the door for hope, and i need to heal.

i asked myself, today am i single me or together me? today, i want to me single me. that single me is a go-getter, a positve person, someone who will have grace and dignity, not be a psycho or overeact when they find out that their sudden break up was because the person that the loved lied to them for 6 months and led them on. he was having an emotional affair with another co-worker that sat directly behind him. i feel sad knowing that instead of turning to me and trying to talk to me, he felt more comfortable talking to her about his problems in our relationship than being and adult. that he did take the easy way out because she is more easily accessible, he doesn't have to go far to see her. when i asked him before no contact if he was ready to be a father-figure for her 1 year old, he said he wouldn't mind it. it hurts, because he kept telling me he wasn't ready for more committment with me, but has already jumped into a relationship with her. where is his time to grieve and move on?

the wound still feels so fresh and raw, but at least i know it's there and that i want to take baby steps to move forward instead of staying in one place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 12:54pm

You will get a lot of good advice and strength here. Definitely spend some time looking at everyone's stories and posts and realize that you are NOT alone.

My advice to you right now is to NOT overwhelm yourself by thinking too far into the future. Concentrate on one day at a time, and be happy for every positive thing in your life, even things that "seem" small. Trust me, the empowerment and feeling of satisfaction that comes from each day that goes by in which you did not contact him will progressively make you feel better.

I very much understand what you said about missing the physical closeness. That's very normal. But just remember that in that relationship, that closeness came with a price -- a price that (it sounds like) both of you really didn't want to pay...you didn't really sound like you wanted the relationship, and neither did he. Missing that closeness will fade, but it won't disappear -- it'll simply become a smaller part of your life, for the time being, and other things will fill up your life...like meeting new people, spending time with friends and family, your work, reading books and watching movies, exercising.

This is a difficult time, but you're going to be ok. Do no contact. Get focused and centered on yourself. You are what matters most to you, NOT him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 2:07pm

Hi ccheckers,


Missing physical contact is normal.