would really appreciate your input...
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| Sat, 04-07-2007 - 11:44am |
Yesterday evening my ex sent me a number of messages, basically saying that he's "not trying to get back together or anything" but that he "wants to salvage a friendship" and that i "left and indelible mark on him and meant more to him than probably ever let me know."
These messages are after over a month in which I was feeling a lot better by doing no contact. I was starting to realize that he treated me very badly and I accepted too much of his behavior too often...he took his insecurities and emotional issues out on me in various ways during our relationship, from name-calling during fights, to stonewalling, to subversive ways in which he'd attempt to bring me down.
So now that he's contacting me again, I feel as though it's still part of the cycle, that he's moved back to the "i need her" mode and is trying to either reconcile, or keep me on a string, or just determine how i feel about him. This is my instinct, do you think I'm correct, or that I'm reacting because I still feel hurt? Should I respond to him at all? I haven't so far.
I wrote an email that I haven't sent, just to test myself, I guess. In it, I told him that he treated me poorly, and why would I want a friend like that? I told him that if he truly wanted to be friends, to act like one, and then we'd see if we could be friends. I really don't know if I should send it or just let silence speak for itself.
Deep down, I know I still have some wish that he'd work on himself, change, improve, transform and I know that this probably will never happen. He has a history of alienating people, I've witnessed it during my time with him. He is not friends with any of his other ex's. Part of me wonders if I can or should be the exception to that, if I should take an optimistic view of this and give him the benefit of the doubt. But then part of me wonders if I would be a fool to do so.
If you've read this far, thank you. And please let me know your thoughts...

However, you might want to think about what kind of friends you want to be before you say anything. Do you want to be able to talk once a month or so about what you're up to and to make sure that the other one isn't dead? Do you want to be friends that hang out periodically, meet for drinks or a movie? Do you want to be friends that you go to when you have problems need to talk and sort out life issues? etc, etc, etc.
Once you figure that out than contact him and tell him what you want, nothing more. I don't know if you'll want to bring up all the hurtful memories again unless you need to do that to heal. If you've said your peace once and just want to do it again to remind him how hurt you are, its really not worth dredging all that up and really what will it solve?