bit of a long one but plz help ;o(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2007
bit of a long one but plz help ;o(
4
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 2:48pm
Hey everyone,
Im here because ive split with my man,and im so confused and upset,if anyone has any advice or tips id be gratefull.
We had a few little disagreements,and once or twice i had reason to beleive he was seeing other people,he suddenly wanted to buy new clothes,working out more,changeing our plans at the last minute,and giving me silly excuses not to see me (i over heard him on the fone to his mate talking about another girl to).I dismissed it as me being paranoid though,when he was with me he always acted very loveing.
We were ment to meet up on saturday night and spend the weekend together.On thursday he went out clubbing with his boys,and spent the whole evening txting me "thinking of u" etc,even txt me to tell me when he was leaveing the club.The next day he contacted me and told me he had a problem in our relationship.He wanted "space" and "time alone" because we had too many past issues (which had all been sorted and things had been going well)
He came round to see me that night to collect his stuff,and i was very upset(crying alot),we talked for a while,and he said he didnt know what he wanted,again just space and time on his own etc.He then left and said he'd think about it,and think about our plans to meet up the next night.
I text him later that night and said "i dont want you to be unhappy.if you are unhappy with me,we should leave it" he replied he didnt want to loose me,and we'd talk the next day.
The next day (sat) he said he wasnt going to see me till monday,as things would be clear in his head by then.
Alot of my friends said it seemed like he'd met someone the night he went out,and he was keeping me hanging on untill he'd made his mind up.I then told him i wasnt going to put myself through it anymore,and id leave his stuff outside the house in a bag for him.He said he understood,but he'd get it on monday.
I am so upset,i really cared about this guy but this and previous behaviour from him have really made me confused.i already miss him,and i keep asking myself if ive done the wrong thing.
Im dreading tomorrow when he comes to pick up his things,he doesnt seem to care at all,and i know this sounds so pathetic and its making me cringe to explain it,but i cant help it,im so confused.How could he be all lovey-dovey the night before,and then want to dump me out of the blue? ;o(
sorry that ive written a novel here,but can anyone offer advice ;o(
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 4:17pm
Sorry you're hurting. Ever read the book "he's just not that into you"? I highly recommend and you'll realize he's not good enough for you. He sounds like an immature player. Just be happy you didn't invest more time in this jerk. Kick him to the curb with a big smile on your face. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 11:52pm

I don't usually jump to this kind of conclusion, but something gives me a very strong feeling that your guy is definitely giving off all the signs that he's playing around on you, that right now he's thinking he's some kind of stud and is looking to see how far he can take this. What I really dislike is when guys do this constant "I'll be with you in a minute" attitude to the girl they're supposed to be in a relationship with. I dislike it even more when the lady in question just kind of sits by and takes it.

So don't take it anymore, you're too fabulous for that. Stand up for yourself and don't second-guess your decision to end things, this was definitely the right decision in your case.

If you haven't heard this particular song, pay extra attention to the lyrics in Beyonce's "Irreplaceable":

"Irreplaceable"

To the left
To the left

To the left
To the left

Mmmm to the left, to the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet, that's my stuff
Yes, if I bought it, baby, please don't touch (don't touch)

And keep talking that mess, thats fine
Could you walk and talk, at the same time?
And it's my name thats on that jag
So go move your bags, let me call you a cab

Standing in the front yard, telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable?

So go ahead and get gone
Call up that chick, and see if shes home
Oops I bet you thought, that I didn't know
What did you think
I was putting you out for?
Because you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby, drop them keys
Hurry up, before your taxi leaves

Standing in the front yard, telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable (irreplaceable)?

So since I'm not your everything (irreplaceable)
How about I'll be nothing (nothing)?
Nothing at all to you (nothing, nothing)
Baby I won't shed a tear for you (I won't shed a tear for you)
I won't lose a wink of sleep (a wink of sleep)
'Cause the truth of the matter is (truth is)
Replacing you is so easy

To the left, to the left.
To the left, to the left.
Mmmmm
To the left, to the left.
Everything you own in the box to the left

To the left, to the left.
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking
You're irreplaceable?

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'?
You must not know 'bout me (baby)
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute

You can pack all your bags we're finished (you must not know 'bout me)
'Cause you made your bed now lay in it (you must not know 'bout me)
I could have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable?

~~.: Sandra :.~~


CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2007
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 6:30am
Yes i do know that song ;o)
Thanks for your advice,i know you are right,it was just such a shock.
Ive gone from feeling sad to angry which i guess is a better way to feel to get over him.
x
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 7:53am
I am a firm believer in following your gut. Anytime somebody says "he doesn't care" or words to that affect, that is what you need to pay attention to. Love never asks this question. Your gut feels the love and part of this is caring about you. I am guessing, but I imagine this is not the first sign of not caring. Some people do not care. That is the way they are. No amount of discussion changes this basic make-up. One thing that struck me in your post is his "out clubbing" aspect. Those in a committed relationship do not do this. Clubbing is a singles game. Spending time with friends is awesome in an environment conducive for bonding. Clubbing is not that environment. Count your blessings and cherish the good times you have had with him. I am sensing something is missing - like empathy. Be good to yourself and go live that great life you deserve.