What is wrong with me?
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What is wrong with me?
| Wed, 04-11-2007 - 8:22am |
Why do I obsess about a guy that never even treated me well? He ran hot and cold the entire time we were together. Yet now that it is over, I can't keep my self from secretly hoping he will come back to me. Why would I want someone who made plans with me and then just blew me off with some poor excuse? I guess the important question is why did I ever accept the excuses to begin with. I feel like such the fool. I have a really hard time letting people into my life but I gave him access without question. I never did this before and I can't figure out why I did this time. I am so confident in all other parts of my life but when it comes to men, I fold. At work, I have always been confident and speak my mind but with him I was a doormat. What is wrong with me?

Hi seashell and welcome to the board,
Lots of time it's a few different reasons we find ourselves in the position you were just in - low self-esteem, thinking we don't deserve better than what we are getting, feeling if the person just changed 'this one thing' then everything would be perfect, denial - only seeing what we want to see, ignoring the things that aren't right, and sometimes even our egos - thinking if we could just get this person to see it our way, things would be great - like we could love them enough, give them enough, be there enough for them, but unfortunately, if it's not mutual it's really not worth it.
Reading material to consider:
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen
The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz
And some extras, just because-
Are You The One For Me? Barbara DeAngelis
The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz
Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes
All Men are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise, Daylle Deanna Schwartz (not what you think)
In addition to the great advice and input you got from Carrie, I wanted to give you a little visualization exercise to do.
"Imagine your core values, your self-respect, your self-worth, your boundaries, all being a backbone of steel and your emotions and feelings being the soft part that surrounds you."
Sandra...can you give an example as to HOW to do this? I never looked at it in the perspective before and I kinda like what you are saying, just don't quite understand how to do it.
I thought about this all night, "How do I explain how to become strong?"
^5, amen and well said.