I Screwed Up
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| Wed, 04-11-2007 - 1:39pm |
A week & a half ago, I went out & got drunk. I came home & found my bf on the couch, sleeping. I put the dog in her kennel & tried to wake him up so he could crawl into bed with me (we didn't officially live together, but I really only was at my apartment once or twice a week for about 10 minutes tops). He resisted, saying that he wanted to sleep on the couch.
I felt rejection & was really wasted, so I started to freak out. I hit him, turned a chair over, & eventually poured a couple of bottles of pills into my mouth. He called the police, but they didn't do much. He ended up staying at a friend's place with the dog & I passed out on the bed.
The next morning, he moved all of my things out & kicked me out.
Two days later, I attended my first AA meeting. I also emergency dialed my therapist.
Since then, I have had a drastic eye-opening & truly, genuinely feel like my life is on track again. However, he's obviously a) depressed, b) pissed off, & c) confused. I've tried to let him know my sincerity & confidence that an altercation like this will NEVER happen again, but he's understandably wary.
I know he loves me, I know he misses me, I know he considers me his best friend. But right now, he doesn't want to be with me & doesn't think he will in the future.
I am so depressed, so heart-broken, so guilty, so so so bawling all day long, not being able to concentrate on anything else. & I want him back into my life.
I know it'll take a lot of rebuilding of trust, a lot of time, & a lot of patience, but I really do believe we can do it.
Has anyone out there had a similiar experience? Please help me.
| Thu, 04-12-2007 - 3:42pm |
