sad that i was forgotten

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
sad that i was forgotten
4
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 12:10am

Hi everyone,

I have posted many times my story here..long story short..we broke up 3 1/2 mths ago...we went thru alot together during ldr of 7 mths...bad miscarriage etc...after he broke up with me, i called him once, two days later to plead, beg him..all the pathetic things..he told me "to much pressure, just doesnt want to do it anymore" after that last conversation 3 1/2 mths ago...i have not called him, he has not called me..I know i have done well with n/c....i guess i just wish he would call once, or email..or make some attempt to see how i am...I went thru so much, lost my job..had health problems due to pregnancy/ miscarriage..i would think he would wonder if i was ok...after that phone call he just fell off the face of the earth..( i guess i did to) i changed my life during that time..and am putting it back together I would think that he would be a tad concerned?? I guess i just feel like he couldnt wait to be done with me...

I guess i feel this anger, like after all the crap that i ok we both went thru..how can he just disappear completely..VANISH,....I get so angry..like i gave up so much for this person, went thru so much crap..and have been struggling to get back on my feet..and where the heck is he??? he just doesnt care...trust me..i have learned my lesson about getting involved with someone so quickly, and giving so much of myself to someone so fast!! Oh i know, i have learned great lessons from this..I know i shouldnt care that he hasnt called to see how i am..i know..i should be greatful he isnt leading me on..but im not..i guess i need to let my anger go..I just have to vent to you guys..this board has been wonderful..i am so happy i have this board..it has helped me thru this whole breakup....I guess i just wish i knew he had some caring bone in his body to check to see how i am....ewwww...i just want these feelings to go away..I was doing so great..thanks you all......hope you all are well

Bella




Edited 4/15/2007 12:11 am ET by bellaa_31
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 12:48pm

It's enevitable you are going to be upset and angry after this guy walked out of your life. But holding on to those emotions as opposed to accepting what has happened and moving on from the past is only prolonging the negatives of your relationship for yourself.

As you wrote, you've learned your lesson about getting involved with someone too quickly and giving too much - not a bad thing to learn, and something most people learn through first-hand experience by doing the opposite.

The next stage of the learning process - letting go of the past and moving on - is waiting for you.

mblade2006

"Just because everything is different 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 5:21pm

Bella, I know how you feel. You want them so badly to call or just contact you in some way. But when they do... it doesn't help. Believe me... my exe couldnt leave me alone for awhile. I had to tell him to stop and tell him that I would contact him when Im ready. It honestly just makes things worse. You feel even more alone and sad. You miss them like crazy AGAIN. You essentially start over from day 1. Do you really want to feel this way again? You have already made it through 3.5 monthes. You are slowly putting your life back together. Do you really need him to call and ruin that? What exactly would you say to him? You are so angry at him and rightfully so. It would just be a horrible phone call and a blow-up at the end. Is that what you want? I suggest if it is... call your mom or best friend and vent to them. Get it all out. And granted its probably not that he cares. He does. He probably thinks about you and wonders how you are, but he doesn't want to face you. He doesn't want to face what he's done. Hell my exe broke up with me over AIM and STILL hasnt apologized to me for it. He doesn't want to admit he's done anything wrong. So rather than call, your exe just remains silent. But just be glad you don't have something like that hanging over your head. You didn't leave him when he needed you the most. There are some lyrics I like to read when I need a little boost, because break-ups really show you how strong you are and huney, you have been through so much.

Rascal Flatts- Stand

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ‘til you break
Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

So keep your head up and use your anger to help you get through this. Do you really want someone like that in your life? You will get over the anger with time. I am still getting over mine. The AIM thing isnt the only thing that my exe did during the break-up. ITs funny how a break-up really shows you the true colors of a person. I thought my exe was amazing... I was wrong. He turned out to be selfish, apathetic and egotistical. The boy actually had the audacity to ask me to be a booty call when just a month before before... he was falling for me. Made me sick to my stomach. Thank God I saw what he was before it went any further. Be glad you saw what yours was. Stand strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 8:43pm

I understand. I would think by now he'd miss me somewhat, think about me enough to reach out somehow. I wish I had something to help you but I don't other than empathy.

My situation was somewhat similar to yours in that I was LDR for a year and a half and than one day WHAM he said that he needed to "try" again to make it work with his ex for his son's sake. The thing that bothers me most is that he's not back with her. He's just decided to avoid everything. He broke up with me for nothing. And all the while he was saying the only thing he knows is that he loves me. Well I guess he decided he didn't now that I'm not even worth some sort of communication.

But like some other posters said, I don't know what I'd say even if he did contact me. I was ok with NC because I have nothing left to say. I know he's making a huge mistake but I guess I'm scared that he's not making a mistake and that he doesn't love me and that he never did and that I don't register as anything to him anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 11:28pm

Exactly- You know i have thought about, gosh if he did call just to see how i am..what would i say?? and i cant come up with anything nice..so it is best that he doesnt call..i know that, I guess when i read that the other peoples exs have atleast attempted to call, i think....gosh, i am not even worth a call huh?? but atleast he is not leading me on..he knows he is done, and he is doing me a favor by leaving me alone...but i guess its like i just wish he would come crawling back..and then i tell him..no i dont want you...i know that is pathetic..i have relapses about once a month.. I guess i am so mad also, one of his exes, cheated on him, he went back, then she did it again..then he broke up with her...I guess i get mad cause of what i went thru..he is the one that left...me, not cheating, etc....yet he went back to and probably was hung up on a cheater...but didnt want me.....I guess i just am looking for better closure, closure that i can only get from myself...i know this....i know that people who do the dumping, they are already emotionally detatched, its like quiting a job...you are totally mentally detatched..well i feel that he was already detatched cause he was preparing probably for a few months..I was not paying attention to the signs, the messages, ...it was like a big shock....although the signs were probably there.....

SO, now i ..and all or us..this is our pain, our greiving, where these dumpers..they were already past these certain points, because they were detatching....and this is our time to heal....i guess i just wonder if he or any of them, miss us...wonder if he ever regrets it...and i wont know,,cause like houdini....he just disappeared!!!

All my friends tell me, when you have completely moved on they always come back around....the exes return to the scene..and i guess that is a good thing that they show up when you have healed...because then we are strong enough to hear their voice, without crying, or with out wanting them to tell us they want us.....i guess i am just hurting because he dissapeared..but i think it says alot by me not calling him..I know silence says alot to the other person......but i have a feeling with this one...there will never ever be a check in phone call...not even when i have healed..and i need to accept this

Bella