second chance or not

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
second chance or not
5
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 3:47pm
i was dating a guy for a few months and things were going great well atleast i thought so. we stopped seeing each other around november it was hard for me because i was used to seeing him everyday.i admit i did call him once or twice after we ended our relationship and so did he. its been about 2 months that we havent spoken to each other(and i was doing good).this two months have been great ive gone out on dates gone out with my girls and havent really had time to think about him until this weekend he called me a few times but i didnt answer he left me a voicemail saying how much he misses me and wants to spend time with me.hearing his voice again brought a smile to my face i do miss him but dont know if i should go back. he never really gave me a reason why we stopped seeing each other so that makes me think what if i do go back will he just stop calling one day without any explanation.
in need of advice please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 10:52pm

I'm the type of person where, unless someone has really, truly done me wrong and hurt me in a way that I thought I would never get past, I believe that people deserve a second chance. If you feel that you can see him in a social setting, say for a cup of coffee, and catch up and talk, and not have those feelings come back and start asking questions about what happened, then I don't see the harm. It's been my experience that when we start to question a man on his actions, why he did what he did, they either lie about it or just avoid it completely, and if you are both past it, why bring up the past?

I understand you not wanting to set yourself up again to be hurt, but no one says that you have to jump right back into a relationship with him. Start out as two friends getting together and see what you'd like to do after.

Good luck with what you decide :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 12:00am
Be careful hon. He says he misses you and wants to spend time with you. But he didn't say anything about a relationship or getting back together in a romantic way? If you do see him or talk to him, either ask him to be very clear about what he wants from you (just friendship? or more?) or don't get your hopes up. My ex told me he missed me and loved me 2 or 3 times AFTER we broke up, but he didn't want to see me or get back together, and I was very confused and hurt, so I just want you to look out for yourself okay? Learn from my experiences!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 8:04am

People never walk out of other peoples lives without a reason. There is a reason for every decision people make... sometimes, they just chose to not say what it is.

It sounds as though you are in a good place in your life, and that you have moved on from this guy, including dating new people. Sure, your ex may miss you and want to spend time with you, but you have to decide if that's what you want for yourself.

With respect to ex's, I never gave any of them the consideration they failed to show me after a relationship ended. Those who were sincere about keeping in friendly contact and were respectful got just that from me; those who suddenly walked out of my life than later reappeared never got a second chance, as they had already proven themself the first time around.

Ask yourself if you miss him, and if you want to spend time with him, and if you could handle the potential of him dissapearing again. If you answer no to any of the three, proceed with caution.

mblade2006

"Just because everything is different 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 3:25pm
my suggestion give it some time..dont rush back...now his calling u cuz he realized how important you are to him but if you just jump back to him...he will run away again cuz he got you that easy...you get my point...now your just in a right spot...dont ruin it....trust me if you give yourself and him a time to think and figure things out....maybe you could make this relationship a chance without hessitation...good luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 1:58pm
He did it once, he probably will do it again. If you can deal with him suddenly stopping the relationship again without any explanation, go ahead. Otherwise, don't go back.