Dilemma
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Dilemma
| Mon, 09-03-2007 - 4:30pm |
I need some advice. Background: I've been in a bad relationship off and on for around 6 years. It's one of those relationships that not only drives me/us crazy but friends and family around us. I think we both are too afraid to move on. There was one time where he cheated and we were broke up for about 2 years and then we got back together. I am in my early 40's and divorced so I'm not "green" when it comes to relationships. The bottom line is that I don't think we are a good match but we manage to keep it going. The problem is that recently a guy that works near my building has sparked my interest. I can't even explain why. . . I bump into him occasionally and we have pretty much only said hello. This has been going on for a couple years now. However, in the past month, I have sensed this changing from just a casual hello to some interest sparking. I might be wrong about a lot of stuff, but I have pretty good instincts and my gut is telling me that this guy may try to talk to me or ask me to lunch soon. And I am definitely interested in getting to know this guy better. Even if he doesn't, I need to know would it be wrong for me to do this????? Although I have been in this long-term relationship, we do not live together and when the subject of marriage comes up, my BF acts like he never wants to get married. It's like we are dating but we don't see each other a lot and I think he just wants to keep things the way they are. I really want to get married again someday and be in a committed relationship. I just don't see it happening with my BF. If I go to lunch with this new guy, how do I tell him that I am in a relationship? I don't want to lead this guy on because I am interested in him - but I also don't want to break up with my BF until I know where this new guy is coming from. I am not the cheating type. Even thinking of meeting this guy for lunch makes me feel guilty (and he hasn't even asked yet and may not!!). But I am overwhelmed with these feelings for a guy that I don't even know. All I know is that I want to get to know him better. Even if we just start out as friends, which I think would be the smartest thing to do. I can imagine how ridiculous this sounds, but I have felt more alive inside than I have for a very long time at the the prospect of maybe meeting someone who I have a better connection with. Maybe this is all in my head but there is just something there and I don't want to turn my back on it. I need to some advice or ideas on the best way to handle this, if in fact this guy does approach me and asks me out.

If he asked you and you are still with your bf you should turn him down politely. How would you feel if your bf did something like that to you?
Why do you want to wait to break up with your bf until you find out where this new guy is coming from? If you are not happy with your bf then get out, but don't let it be on the condition of how things go with this new guy. You control you and your actions.
Welcome to the board gal_butters,
Two wrongs don't make a right.
It SOUNDS like you 'must' have a guy at all times, so you stay in a crappy relationship until you hop over to someone better. Do you want to come off as one of those men we always hear about? "My marriage is basically over, but i'm still legally attached..wanna go out?"
If it's a self-described bad relationship, then break it off. If you don't think you're a good match, then why are you wasting your time?
Susanna