Broke up with someone a couple hours ago
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| Tue, 09-04-2007 - 9:18pm |
It's what I wanted, but I'm still disappointed that another had to bite the dust. I'm not one to stay friends with my exes. It's hard to justify my choice to others. I suppose, I shouldn't have to in the first place. I feel like it has to be a clean break, and I normally hope that I never have to lay my eyes on the person again. naturally, this one (like most) suggested we should remain friends (always wonder what kind of friends). If I liked you and had to make a decision to end a relationship, I never want to deal with the fact that he might be dating someone else, or learn any details about his life. I categorically refuse to explore my emotions in such situations. I often wonder if my preference to cut off all contact for good demonstrates my lack of emotional intelligence, or it's some sort of peculiar emotional resolve that most people can't muster under similar circumstances. I could go on on about this while I sort my own mind out. Ultimately, I wrote this out of desperation to vent, don't have a support network other than ivillage. 'Looking forward to reading your reviews, opinions, and feedback.
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Edited 9/4/2007 10:13 pm ET by dumberu

It was your choice to break it up and, yes, you shouldn't feel bad about it or give explanations to anyone about your desicion. If you broke it up it was because you felt that the relationship was not fulfilling your needs or else. Why feel bad then? Not remaining friends it's another choice and not a mistake or an emotional aberration.
I'm not one to remain friends with exs either, but I don't feel it's due a lack of "emotional intelligence" as you put it. In fact, I think I do it out of emotional intelligence because I know that we had something and that it didn't work and that I don't think that one can be friends after being BF/GF, but that's just me.
We were going to get together at some unspecified date to discuss who knows what, overnight, I made a decision that although, I didn't mind hearing him out, my decision was final, I was ready to end our run. We had a perfectly civil conversation, he insisted that he still wanted to have a sitdown, moments later, while trying to work out when and how we were going to do it, it became clear that it was going to drag on and on, so I told him once more that I didn't need a sitdown. We hung up the phone on good terms. As I was leaving the house, he texted "I'll call you later in the week," by that time I had already deleted some of his contact info. In this day and age so much of our socializing occurs online. By the time the txt came through, I already deleted him as my friend from my overly private myspace page. I couldn't do damage control on the spot, by the time I was able to remind him that I don't remain friends with my exes, he was upset. I tried to justify my very strict rules, he asked to what purpose I do this (hmmm), at the time I still wished him nothing but the best of everything, he finally ended with "leave me alone." Made me feel terrible. He wasn't that into me, wanted to wait and see how things would turn out, and I wanted all in or nothing, but I knew all in was impossible for the two of us. I still wanted us to end on good terms, looks like it still ended badly. I not only don't want to stay friends, I normally hope I never even have to make small talk...quite severe but absolutely necessary, otherwise, I can't fully justify the breakup.
Frankly, I now think that his conduct was rather selfish.