help.what happened?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
help.what happened?
4
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 10:37pm
The guy i am in love with that i was together for 10 months and he told me throughout the whole time we were together that he loves me so much and would never leave me and how we were right together and how i was the one for him broke up with me 3 weeks ago completely out of the blue! He said he wants to be alone and just can't be with me anymore. BUt a few days before we broke up he was telling me how much he loved me and how i'm stuck with him forever and talking about our future.
We were best friends but now he doesn't seem to want to be friends at all. I saw him the other day and he completely ignored me. Hes not acting like himself at all.
Whys he doing this and what should i do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 1:36am
Well, sare88, don't do anything. I've just been dumped myself after 5 1/2 years, but you cannot change other people, only yourself. So let him go with dignity, look yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself that you deserve better! I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If you feel overwhelmed, seek counseling and regain your self-esteem! Time heals all wounds, and I know it's hard right now, but maybe write all your feelings down to make yourself stop thinking about him. I had been with the most wonderful man who I thought was my soulmate, but he fell out of love with me, and there's nothing I can do to change his mind. I will try and be friends with him after it doesn't hurt so much, and I am thankful that he came into my life. Hold your head up and don't obsess. Keep busy and the hurt will ease. If you don't pursue him, maybe you can eventually be friends. He probably just needs some space right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 2:30pm

Welcome to the board sare88,


During a break-up, mostly 'all bets are off' people don't always behave the way they should, the way they want to or the way we hope they will.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2007
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 11:42pm

Hi Sare,

I was dumped just yesterday, and though we'd only been together three months it felt like someone had just run my heart through a meat grinder. He told me that he just didn't feel for me what I felt for him as we lay cuddling on the couch, where thirty seconds earlier we'd been giggling about our wacky families and the strange things that happen to couples when they get older. If anyone had the answer to why men will tell you that they love you and want to be with you forever and then suddenly drop you like a hot potato I'd pay millions for the information. Sometimes they just don't make any sense at all, and sometimes I think they just don't have any idea what they really want or what they really feel.
It sucks even more that he's now ignoring you and not wanting to be your friend. In my post-breakup mood my advice is probably a bit extreme, but in my experience it's usually the way to go: stay away from him. Seeing him won't make you feel better, it'll make you feel worse. Trying to be friends with an ex immediately after breaking up is awkward, painful, frustrating, and usually not good for either of you. Give it time. LOTS of time. Don't email, call, or meet up with him; you might think it'll help, but it won't. Give it several months until your head is clear, and then at that point you may realize you simply don't want to be his friend. But if you do, you'll probably have a better chance of being friends and not feeling hurt or frustrated than you would if you tried to be friends right now.
Good luck and here's hoping we all get treated better the next time around...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2007
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 2:27pm

I am sorry to hear what you are going through, but if it helps just remember that you are not alone!


The guy I have been dating for over a year did the exact same thing to me twice. He will be telling me he loves me and how amazing I am and how he can see himself marrying somebody like me somewhere down the line, then 2 days later it's as if I don't even matter to him one bit. He will ignore my phone calls, never invite me to hang out with my friends, anything of the sort. I am a big believer in second chances so the first time he did it to me I took him back after about 3 months. He just recently did it again about a month ago and the best advice I can give to you is to just stay away. No calls, no texts, no e-mails, no stalking ;)..... It's hard because you wonder every second or everyday what he is doing or who he is with (at least that is what killed me and made me give it to calling him 15,000 times.) DON'T DO IT! If he really loves you and wants to be with you he will....and only time and space can make him realize that. I promise!!!!