Breaking up after almost 6 years!
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Breaking up after almost 6 years!
| Thu, 09-06-2007 - 12:36am |
I just need some support to know I'm doing the right thing here. My boyfriend of 6 years told me a few days ago that he's at a point in his life where he's not happy and is no longer in love with me. He seemed to change somewhat, months ago, distancing himself from me. I thought maybe it was stress from work, etc. and when I asked him if he was okay, he always said yes.
Well, at first I was devastated, and my heart is broken. I loved this man from the bottom of my heart and thought he was my soulmate. Apparently not, huh? We talked awhile, and decided that after a period of time, we could try and be friends. I can't imagine my life without him in it, so I'll settle for being friends. In the back of my mind I'm thinking that he just turned 40 and is having a midlife crisis, and if I wait long enough, he'll realize he's still in love with me and come back. We got along so well, with very few disagreements in all those years.
I am keeping busy, working hard and saving my money for my future, whether it includes him or not. I'm taking care of my health, and doing things I enjoy.
I'm sure, since time heals all wounds, that after awhile I'll be fine. I'm just wondering how many of you are friends with your ex and how you deal with it after being so in love with that person.....any feedback? Please?
Well, at first I was devastated, and my heart is broken. I loved this man from the bottom of my heart and thought he was my soulmate. Apparently not, huh? We talked awhile, and decided that after a period of time, we could try and be friends. I can't imagine my life without him in it, so I'll settle for being friends. In the back of my mind I'm thinking that he just turned 40 and is having a midlife crisis, and if I wait long enough, he'll realize he's still in love with me and come back. We got along so well, with very few disagreements in all those years.
I am keeping busy, working hard and saving my money for my future, whether it includes him or not. I'm taking care of my health, and doing things I enjoy.
I'm sure, since time heals all wounds, that after awhile I'll be fine. I'm just wondering how many of you are friends with your ex and how you deal with it after being so in love with that person.....any feedback? Please?

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Almost exactly a year ago, my 7 year relationship ended. Just like your situation, he told me he wasn't happy and that he lost feelings for me. He said I would be the perfect wife, but he wasn't looking for that right now. He said we fell in love too early and he wanted to experience other "things." Instead, he wanted to be promiscuous.
It hurt me so bad since he was my first love/first boyfriend. I thought he was going to be my future husband. It was really difficult for me because everything was just so new. I'd never experienced a break up. Just like everyone says, you've gotta keep yourself busy. I started exercising, worked more hours, shopped, rekindled lost friendships, ect... One thing I had to do was stay away from the internet. Seeing his pictures up on Myspace and on other websites would just hurt me even more. I tried being friends with him, but it was just too hard. I always had feelings for him and I think those feelings will never completely fade. The only thing I can do is accept it and move on.
From the looks of it, it seems like you are very strong. I can't commend you enough! You have a very positive outlook on everything. You are better off without him! Someone else will come along and appreciate you so much more!
Welcome to the board shanoose,
It's really hard to remain friends with someone when you still have romantic feelings for the person, like in your case. If you are hoping to stay friends to 'be there' in case he decides he really does love you, that probably won't work.
Hi Shanoose,
I'm really sorry to hear about your break-up and can completely relate to what you're going through. My 5-year relationship (which was a 10-year best friendship prior to the romance) was broken off last November, and I am still heartbroken. While I hope to find happiness with someone new eventually, I know I will miss my ex forever. He has been such a major part of my life for so many years...the loss of him feels like a death. I know how badly you must be hurting right now, and how hard it is to go through the motions of everyday life while trying to handle it.
As much as I hate to say this, the others are right about remaining friends. It just isn't possible to do that when one person is still in love with the other. All it does is create false hope, therefore prolonging the misery of the one who still loves. The best thing to do is cut off all contact with him. Believe me, if he has a change of heart, he will contact you.
Hang in there...you're not alone.
Iminseclusion, keep in touch and let me know how you're doing. Thanks for listening...
Hey, cl-itwinflame,
Thanks for your insight. My ex also said that even though he wants to be friends, he would rather not keep in touch for awhile. I still have the house key so I can get all my stuff out eventually, and will give it back after. I really think I have more sense of self than to remain friends "just in case". He has enriched my life and taught me so many things, and I am grateful, but I won't put my life on hold for anyone. He has, since I've known him, been friends with one of his exes and I met her. We even went out with her and her husband a couple of times. She is sweet and told him she was on my side and that he has issues to deal with! But I won't contact her for awhile either, because I don't feel it's my place. Even though it's only been a short while, I can feel the healing starting.
Some of it is because of you guys and this board. Thanks for everything!
As for you, I hope you find someone who can love you like you deserve to be loved. Just take care of yourself, and be happy with who you are. Let's keep in touch and cheer each other on, K?
Hugs, that one is tough. I have a feeling he may be depressed, in which case, no, there's not a whole lot of love in him to give. Doesn't mean there never was or never will be, there's just not much there now.
I'm wondering, even though I read you're ready to keep moving on, is whether your boyfriend has ever been married before or been in a long-term relationship, meaning longer than the one you shared with him? Some people unfortunately don't learn how to caretake long relationships until much later on in life, maybe they never had a good role model for that, or they have this Hollywood-infused and distorted view of love that it must forever remain like it was "in the beginning," which is naive in the extreme. Guys who've never been married before or haven't had exceptionally long relationships are especially prone to this type of thinking. (Rutgers studies show this)
Good luck to you, maybe you can answer my questions and shed some light on your situation for me? I'd appreciate that :)
Sorry to hear about your break up - I know it's very hard, I have been there. As far as remaining friends, I would not because it would be hard when you know you still love the guy. Best way to heal is to cut off contact, continue keeping yourself busy, and believe me, the right guy who will appreciate you will come along when you least expect it. It's much better living a life as a single person than being lonely inside your heart. Just remember to keep smiling and hold your head up high. You will be fine. I wish you well.
Anna
Thanks so much for your input!
Hey, annameow!
Thanks for your input. Actually, I wasn't looking for any man when he came into my life. And our breakup wasn't really bad, as we never really hurt each other. We were mostly really good friends. Also, I really don't feel lonely. My life is still full of friends and family, and work, too. I won't keep calling him after I get all my furniture out of his house, and let him call me if he wants.
How long ago was your breakup? Are you doing okay?
shanoose
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