HELP!! need support now PLEASE!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
HELP!! need support now PLEASE!!!
1
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 9:15am

Hi everyone,

I wrote a few days ago with my post entitled "can I lean on you guys?". Well, suddenly my situation took a turn for the worse and now I REALLY need support so I'm hoping you all can help me.

Just to recap, I broke up with my now ex, on Tuesday of this week. Long story short, he's an addict that is now back on pills, alcohol, and most recently, crack. Well, last night his friend/landlord/boss called me while I was out getting my hair done. He's done this in the past to ask me if my ex was "up to no good". Last night he apologized for calling after the breakup, but he said he was about to kick my ex out and fire him if he's doing what he thinks he is. I confirmed his suspicions and told him everything. The friend also confided in me that my ex is a true player and uses everyone.

Here is where I am hurt. The friend told me that my ex called him the day I broke up with him and said "I'm going to jennifer's" - (she is an "ex" who he claimed to his friend nauseates him, and he only stays with her and has sex with her to get xanax and whatever other pills she gives him). Well, the night I broke up with him that's where he went and he was there last night also. I tried to text him with a simple "can we talk?" (I just wanted to make sure he was ok and make sure he wasn’t really at a motel doing something horrible) and I got a text back that said "f*** you!". I was so hurt and upset all night long that I didn’t sleep and now I'm at work basically just trying to hang in there. The friend said its for the best and that I did a smart thing by leaving when I did. It just hurts that he is so quickly able to be with someone else after I left and that he is so vicious and unwilling to even speak. I'm just so confused and hurt here and I'm waiting for Monday to get here so I can see my new counselor. I'm just hoping in the meantime you all can just lend some support and give some words of advice. I have plans tonight to see my best friend and I don’t even want to see her, I just want to go home and curl up in bed and sleep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2007
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 10:00am
If this guy is as sauced up as you say he is, it's better to stay away from him and not speak to him until he's clean. You probably won't be talking to the real him, just some cracked out, strung out version of him who's hiding from his real problems at the tip of his crack pipe. Think about that for a second, the words you typed yourself "he's an addict", "my ex is a true player and uses everyone." and he has sex with Jennifer just to get pills. Uhh this guy doesn't really sound a champ and a half. If he's such a true player, how can you be certain he's not just using you for something? Does he really love you? If he did he wouldn't be going around sleeping with other girls for drugs. I understand you care about him and you're worried, but if he's lashing out at your attempts to help, then there's nothing you can really do. You can only help someone who wants to help themselves, you can't right someone's life for them, you'll just exhaust yourself trying and eventually get crushed all over again. Do you share any mutual friends? Someone close to the both of you? Because if you are worried about him doing something "horrible" you should talk him/her to help your ex out, at least check up on him. But by no means should you do it yourself. Sorry.