When do you say it is enough
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When do you say it is enough
| Fri, 09-07-2007 - 9:34am |
Hey, this is my first time here.
I am 25 and have been married for about 4 years, been with DH for about 8. I hate living in a house where i feel so alone even though he is there with me. We have no conversation and when we do it is about money. (Side note: we are not broke or in crazy debt). The sex life is gone has been gone for years, and i love sex. He is not interested. It was over 6 months ago that we last had sex and that is because i begged. I have talked to him about it he said he is not going to force himself to have sex with me and he would go to the doctor, well that we over a year ago.
I am tired of giving my all and getting nothing in return. I want to feel loved, i want to feel like someone is not embarassed by me and not afraid to take me out.
He will go to the store and it will take him hours. If i go to the store and am gone for more then an hour i get screamed at.
Sorry i am babbling...
I am 25 and have been married for about 4 years, been with DH for about 8. I hate living in a house where i feel so alone even though he is there with me. We have no conversation and when we do it is about money. (Side note: we are not broke or in crazy debt). The sex life is gone has been gone for years, and i love sex. He is not interested. It was over 6 months ago that we last had sex and that is because i begged. I have talked to him about it he said he is not going to force himself to have sex with me and he would go to the doctor, well that we over a year ago.
I am tired of giving my all and getting nothing in return. I want to feel loved, i want to feel like someone is not embarassed by me and not afraid to take me out.
He will go to the store and it will take him hours. If i go to the store and am gone for more then an hour i get screamed at.
Sorry i am babbling...

Welcome to the board sweetthing2007,
Wow, if I say what's on my mind, I'd probably get deleted, so instead I will breakdown your post....
::It was over 6 months ago that we last had sex and that is because i begged. I have talked to him about it he said he is not going to force himself to have sex with me and he would go to the doctor, well that we over a year ago.
Doctor as in something is physical wrong with him or you mean counseling?
::He will go to the store and it will take him hours. If i go to the store and am gone for more then an hour i get screamed at.
So he's got a double standard or he's seeing someone else when he's out and about?
Consider journal writing to vent everything you feel - anger, upset, etc and when you feel much more calm have a discussion with him - ask him to go for a walk with you, tell him "I order for me to be happy in our marriage I need physical intimacy.
I'm sure this will come as a shock to some people, but when you're married, the first answer to a problem of your type, sweetthing, is not walk away, so I categorically disagree with that mindset and that input in your situation.
First approach is to talk about what's on your mind and in your heart with your husband, this is your life you're making an effort for. You also need to come up with something other than money to talk about, don't look to the man to come up with those ideas, typically over time men wil look to the woman to take the lead in how a relationship grows, expands, matures, develops. If you're not going to do it or don't know how, for the most part, men certainly won't be able to come up with the answers on that.
Double standards are no good, again, this needs to be talked out.
Sex life is usually the last to go in a long term relationship or a marriage when pretty much everything else (read: intimacy) has gone downhill. Lack of a sex life means somethign else is wrong, pretty much always. You need to come up with a way to develop the close emotional ties again, remind you of why you got together in the first place, and if that includes some counseling to give you ideas, tools, and strategies on how to devleop those close ties with your husband again, that's what you have to do.
Divorce rate is through the roof nowadays because most people are unwilling or unskilled at getting past the "for worse" part, thinking that once you're out of "for better" it can never improve or it must be the wrong relationship. Oh so very wrong and naive thinking. If people give in to that kind of thinking, they'll be forever chasing the "right marriage," and not finding it because they'll have absolutely no idea how to move through and imporve on the "for worse." to get to "for better." You have THIS marriage, and there's plenty you can do to improve the situation, you have to go out there and find those ways, and talk to your husband, find the love you felt for him.
In addition to the books Carrie recommended, get another book, it's called "Project Everlasting" by Mathew Boggs and Jason Miller. It should be mandatory reading for all married or soon to be married or on the rocks couples.
Best of luck,