Gotta see the ex soon :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Gotta see the ex soon :-(
4
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 10:57pm

Well it has been a short while since I posted on here, my first post “Just want to move on, but can’t” (healing & Reconciling) got me some great advice and support. I’m happy to say that my days are pretty good, not too much bothers me anymore. Even when I do get down, I can usually turn my mood around, and find I really don’t think about it so much. There are still those moments where I can’t stop thinking about it, but that’s just a part of healing. There are also some of you who I email frequently and have helped me so much.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 1:45pm

Hi dandosa,


Here's your previous post so others can get caught up on your story:


Just want to move on, but can't, help!


Personally instead of worrying about what might or might not happen, consider dealing with the anger you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2007
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 2:12pm

hi -


I justed posted a similar type situation, well, not exactly but I have to see my ex occasionally, usually about once a week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 11:10pm

Rapunzel,


Your ideas were sort of what I was thinking anyways. Only talk to him when I have to, and really keep to myself and do my own thing. He doesn't need to know that I may still hurt, which I won't really know I guess until I see him. And the best revenge will be a smile! Its time for him to realize what he's lost, and that it is far too late to do anything about it. It will take lots of strength & effort, but he has wasted/ruined enough of my days. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2007
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 7:06am

Yes Dandosa -

Living well and enjoying your life and believing in yourSELF is absolutely the BEST revenge!

I've been acting "as if" everytime I see my ex, which I think I mentioned is about once a week. He dumped me unexpectedly prior to asking me to go on vacation with him. Everything seemed to be going quite well and when the ax fell a month ago, it was a shock and every day I'm dealing with it. I think about him before I fall asleep and he's the first thing on my mind upon waking. It's doubly hard that we are musicians and work together and I have to see him once a week and do performances with him.

But when I do see him there are always other musicians around and I just act like nothing happened (it does help that none of them know about us). I smile, joke and act myself. I don't give him ANY special attention (other than occasionally stealing glances when he's not looking). I've really been holding my head high and reminding myself every day of my own self worth. I think when women have been rejected we automatically question our own self worth. We cannot let these guys have that kind of power over us. We were fine before we met them, and we'll be fine without them. We gave them ourselves, we gave them love and they threw it away.

Don't worry that seeing him might set you back. You don't know how you'll feel when you see him. Since you seem to be doing well in your progress you might feel a "pang" but you also might not. It may help to see him to realize how far you've come in your healing.

So walk in with a smile on your face, don't go over to him but if he comes over to you to say hello, smile and say "hi"! Your life is going great, and it's OK to let him know that if he asks you. But keep it brief. You don't have to ask him how HIS life is going. If he gives you the cold shoulder, so be it. That's all about HIM and has nothing to do with you.

I still VERY MUCH want my ex back so I understand the longing. I'm hoping in time my yearning fades as I know it's not healthy to hold on to this kind of hope. But we're only human and we have to forgive ourselves.

Good luck!
Rapunzel