Just venting ...
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| Thu, 09-20-2007 - 1:21pm |
Lately I've been crying a lot. It just sucks how much you want something to work but the other person doesnt put that much effort into it. I can't force him to want me. I can't force him to come back. I know we both are suffering, but what should we do then??
My boy broke up with me last year around the same time. We had been going out for a year then. He was going away to study abroad. He broke up cause he was being stupid and wasn't acting like a good boyfriend. So all the time he was studying abroad, we still kept in touch. And it seemed like we were going to get back together. And he told me to visit him, and so I did, and then we got back together.
So now he broke up with me because he was being stupid and wasn't a good boyfriend and doesnt know what he wants. But he still misses me, is so sorry he did something stupid, says he hasn't given up on us.
But this time we're not keeping in touch. And he's still in the same city. So now I'm thinking, should I keep in touch with him? Maybe he'll realize what he lost? But I don't want to. I don't want to be friends with someone who's in limbo with me. But I can't help but think that if I did keep in touch with him, that we would get back together...
So what the heck do I do? I didn't talk to him for 12 days and this morning I get a text from him saying, "Hi. I just wanted to say hello and see how you were doing. Hope you are doing good."
What??? I responded "I'm okay, thanks."
Now what? He hasn't responded back. I know that of course he isn't trying to get back with me because he texted me, and his text had nothing in it to say, let's work on things. And then I also hear from other people in the posts that after being apart from their ex's and seeing them by chance, they're ex's get reminded of everything and decide to work on things. So do I need to see him for that to happen??? I'm soo pissssedd!! And I get so sad...
So where does that leave us? I will not ask to see him again. I will not initiate contact to see him. I cannot think that seeing him will help him remember his love for me and be with me. We've seen each other during this time and every time, although he says what I want to hear (I miss you, I love you, I'm sorry, You deserve more, I'm working on things for us, I haven't given up, but don't wait for me, etc.), it is not entirely satisfying because he is still not with me. It's all about him now. The ball is in his court. I told him that. I told him I would totally welcome the opportunity to get back with him if he wanted to. But he has to make that effort. If he wants to get back with me, I'll let him come see me and work on things.
*sigh*
I can't help but over analyze what he's feeling, why he sent that text, if my simple reply made him sad, if there was anything I could do to help this situation...or if I am unknowingly doing anything to hinder his growth, my growth or us getting back together...
| Thu, 09-20-2007 - 2:05pm |
