what do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
what do you think?
9
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 2:34pm

Hi my girlfriend and me were together for 5 months
We were in love and cared so much for each other.
I treated her so well we never hardly argued.
Anyways towards the end I lost a bit of trust in her because she
Kissed a lad down town from which was a drunken mistake and I forgave her for it and I could tell she felt really guilty about it. Anyways the night before we went on holiday she told me she was a bit confused to what she wanted out of life and wanted to split up.
She told me she wanted to go out and enjoy herself and not be tied down. Although she said she loves me. This upset me but I knew what she wanted and I understood it. so I decided after we get back off holiday we should have a 2 weeks break. We both agreed and then she seemed to feel a bit better. She even said maybe in another couple of months if I haven’t got a gf we might get back together and if we did we’d have to take things slow this time. So anyways During our holiday we seemed to get on better than before. We enjoyed ourselves despite knowing this week could be the last week spent together.
After the holiday finished. it was Monday and we started the break.

I found it really hard the first few days I couldn’t sleep very well didn’t feel like doing much and I thought it cant carry on like this. So on the Friday (end of July) we met up and I told her I cant see her deciding what she wants in a space of 2 weeks and she was still confused so I told her it would be for the best if do split up. After splitting up I knew I should of gave her the space she wanted but I didn’t I was to and I was ringing her and texting her and this went on for a few weeks and I started to think I’m not giving her a chance to realise what she wants or anything. So towards end of august I wrote her a letter telling her that I miss her at times and that I’ve now accepted its over and she knows where I am if she ever needs to talk. She didn’t reply to the letter but I remember her saying she had no credit and their wasn’t really anything she could of said about it.

A day after the letter she spoke to one of my friend’s best m8’s and he asked her why me and her split up and she replied… “ I really was happy with him he did everything for me and I loved him so much but towards the end he started to get to clingy, I felt I didn’t have my own space, and it got to much plus my m8 (her only m8) have decided to go out on the town and enjoy ourselves. “

My m8 told me about this although he was told not to say anything, this was true towards the end.
And I did get to appoint where I felt I needed to see her all the time I guess I lost the trust from her when she kissed that lad. But now weve split I realised I was silly not to trust her and realised I had been to clingy and got to serious and I spoilt it.. ive realised I was silly about everything…

Anyways after that I didn’t get in touch for 2 weeks and gave her space that I didn’t give her all through august after splitting up. However she text me on the Wednesday for the first time since splitting saying “ sorry I’ve not been In touch lately been so busy with work hope your ok “. I thought fair enough she wants to know how I am, she then text me the next night as I was at a party and her sister saw me their as I was with a female friend and my was asking who I was with and I said just a friend. And she said ok cool.
I then got a silly fwd text on the Sunday night, which was pointless.
Then on the Monday night I text her asking how she was?
And so she replied and that was it. It’s been 4 days now and not heard anything and I mnot sure what to do should I

1. send her a letter saying how much I realise that I could of trusted her that I sploilt it towards the end and I want her back.

2. send her the letter explaining that ive accepted its over and that I realise that I could of trusted her that and that I sploilt it towards the end. And leave it as that

3. now that’s she started texting me give it a couiple of weeks to see what happens and she might
feel she realised we rushed thuings to towards the end and tel lme to change

or is their anything you can suggest I do please????

Thankyou

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 6:16pm

I'm going to lay it down to you quick and dirty: Leave it alone. Just stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

The last thing she said of any importance was, "He got too clingy toward the end, I had no space." THAT, my friend, is your stage direction right there. It's amazing -- ok, not amazing, but the sheer tenacity of your reaction is awe-inspiring -- that after being told to give her space, you jump on the tiniest morsel of a crumb that she's throwing at you (pointless and meaningless texts-- texts!) and the only options you're giving yourself are to send a letter or to send a letter. How about we stop with sending her any letters and let her MISS YOU a little bit. Even your third option leaves the door open to "doing" something in a few weels. Answer on that is also no.

Believe me against your own "better judgment" because I'm not emotionally mired in this mess, the very best thing you can do to give yourself the very best chance of any kind of recovery is to --- leave it alone.

This is what you do: Do NOTHING.

Good luck and I'm sorry about the pain in your heart.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 6:17pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Sat, 09-22-2007 - 11:23am

yeah im gonna do nothing and see how the next couple for weeks go. and let her get in touch first. thanks for the advice. you are right about not getting in touch, i just get the feeling cos its been like 2 months i feel theirs nothing else i can do. i no 2 months seem a long time but i didn't really give her time or space in august but i have done the last 3 weeks and strangely she's been texting me now i've stopped texting/ringing.
anything you xcan advise me on now to do .

thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 09-22-2007 - 12:05pm

Go out with your mates, work out, listen to a band live onstage, have a few drinks, paint a picture, take a picture, go for a walk, train for a marathon, volunteer at a homeless shelter or aid station, build a house for Habitat for Humanity, go to an art show, work on a car, write a lot.

And you need to do this a LOT longer than just two weeks. Two weeks is nothing. I challenge you to do it for at least a month.

Good luck,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Sat, 09-22-2007 - 12:34pm

ok then i'll do it or at least ry my best. and enjoy myself at the same time. but


im just scared the longer i leave it the more she gets over me e.t.c or dont u think it works like that.


but thanks anyways i'll give it a go


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 1:34pm
hi i know you said to leave it for a month and thats what im doing but ive not heard out in a week does that look bad or shud i give it more time?
she text me twice the other week and i replyed last monday and its been a week. do u think she's playing it cool and dosent want to me to think that she's interested yet? whats your advice pls
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 9:29pm

You're overthinking it again. I know it's difficult not to, but you really need to stick to your guns. What is meant to happen, will happen exactly the way it should. You have no control over that, and that is the hardest lesson of this. Re-read my messages to you, when I said leave it alone for a month, I really did mean leave it alone.

Best of luck,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 3:18pm

hi thanks again. you're right. at the end of the day whatever i say/do


wont change to however she feels at the moment. yeah 2 months seems long but when it comes to love


2 months is nothing. e.g

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Sat, 09-29-2007 - 1:09pm

Hi can