Getting my stuff back?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Getting my stuff back?!
10
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 7:20pm

This is my first breakup. It happened yesterday so the feelings are still really fresh. I wanted to work things out but he didn't. He's more interested in partying with his friends than spending time with me and thats the reason why he ended it. Im extremely upset that he just tossed me aside like this past year and a half of our relationship meant nothing to him. Deep down, I know that I should rise above this and that its his loss but at the same time, he was my first love and I loved him with all my heart.

Now, he says its just a "break" but I dont want to believe that and I feel that this is the end. I have some personal things at his place (toiletries & clothes etc.) - things at his house that I can live without but I want it back and I want to give him the gifts that he's given me back to him.

Any advice on how to get your things back when you break up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2007
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 7:26pm
hi, i think you should go to his house when he is not there and get your stuff back throgh whoever else he lives with that way he wont just think that you want to see him or something. but same situation with my bf i think he got a taste of freedom and now i think he wants it back? :( w/b
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 8:46pm

Hi there,


I think the best thing to do is avoid all contact with him at this point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 10:37pm

Wow, it's like you're reliving my first break up all over again. I can remember STILL how much it hurt. There's no advice I can give that isn't on the resource centre. Take care of yourself.

In terms of belongings, I left my things at his place for the two months I was out of town, and when I got back into town, I sent a bunch of my friends over for my things. No contact. As for his gifts, I eliminated all of our pictures together and kept the one thing he'd given me during our entire relationship (a computer mouse). Anyways, unless he specifically asks for them back, keep them in a little box out of sight, like suggested.

And don't suppress your feelings too much. Logically everyone knows that there is bigger and greater love out there, but sometimes the heart is a little slow. It's ok to grieve, even for the crappiest relationship - or else how would we learn to feel again?

again good luck!

Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 4:48am

Hi Cosmo,


How are you?Hope you doing fine and getting better eventhough things just happened.For me what coolio says is true..Maybe some stuff you didnt have to take back from him, let him realize it and think of you then..Its happened to me where my ex want me to take all the things back whatever related to me after he sign up the breakup things to me.He didnt wait for me to leave his life alone and at the same time I didnt expect

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 1:33pm

Welcome to the board cosmostar5,


Consider some of the articles in the Resource Section of this board:


When he asks for space (aka, "a break")

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 8:51pm
So sorry hun! Just went through the same thing myself! Best advice to give ya- Go to his house when he's home, stay strong, pretend like you don't care what he did to you and you're fine with it. Get straight to the point of why your there and leave it at that. He's not worth your time or your tears, but I wouldn't let him get away with your stuff! Good luck and hang in there! It does get easier!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 12:11pm

Thanks for the advice everyone! :-)

Just a quick update. After the 3rd day of the break up, I was feeling a lot better about myself- definitely back to normal although it was still on my mind. The second day was the last day I cried and that was it. So I was and still am definitely doing a lot better. Right now, its been 2 weeks. I heard from some mutual friends that he was going through stuff with his family and his work. After some debate, I broke the NC rule. My purpose was to find out how things are with his family/work and to show him that I was doing really well despite the break. We spoke for a bit and things were pretty civil. He said that he wanted to talk to me next week about things just because he has to give attention to his family now and let things settle with that first. At this point, I dont regret breaking the NC rule at all and now its really up to him to make the next move. If he doesn't, then I know what kind of guy he is and that's not the guy that I want. As far as my stuff at his place, right now, he can keep it..i dont care anymore. But surprisingly, I'm doing really well :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 10:36pm

An update and a big thank you!

Just another update on the situation...well I got my stuff back tonight!! lol. I'm going on vacation at the end of this week and needed some of my belongings from him since i'm going overseas. I had sent him an email requesting for my belongings and he contacted me and agreed to meet to give me my things. This happened tonight in a public meeting place. He gave me my things - didnt even ask how i was, just handed it off and started to walk away. I called him by his name and he came back and just told him that I have to get some things off my chest for me to move forward. I felt as though this was going to be my only chance to do so.

I told him that I was glad that we broke up which I am (one of the post in the resource section by Sandra said to do this - thanks!) and just that he is an immature guy and how he disrespected me -- (I found out afterwards that he knew that he wanted to break up with me for 3 months but just took him a long time to do it - the whole time he acted as if everything was normal and that he wanted to work through our problems and yes, we were still sleeping together). I told him that I felt used and taken advantage of. I also told him that he should have just come out and say it was a break up and not crap about it being a break since he knew what he wanted. Also mentioned that in the aftermath, he showed his true colours and thats not the kind of guy that I want to be with. I went on to say that I didn't want to be friends with him because of how he treated me in that moment (thanks again Sandra!) and thats not how i want friends to treat me. I also told him that I got rid of his belongings.

The whole time he just stood there and didn't say anything. No questions or comments. Nothing. I'm proud of myself for handling this situation as best I could. I wasn't emotional - just very calm in my delivery (how I normally am). My only regret I guess was that I didn't cuss him out!! lol I didn't swear at him and still treated him with respect. I wish I could have swore at him (not something I normally do to anyone) - and now, I still feel like I should write him a hateful and hurtful email - so that he can feel as upset as I did when it happened. I'm tempted to do this but I'm not going to because I feel like I would be giving him the satisfaction of knowing that he got to me. Ladies out there, please talking me out of this!! Right now im 50/50.

So I did get my things back and told him my thoughts about the situation. I think it was what I need to move forward. Thank you so much to everyone on this board. Even in other posts and situations, it provided me with a lot of clarity and helped me to accept that other people go through this well and that its not the end of the world. I wish you ladies all the best and hang in - its tough, but eventually you will pull through. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 11:13pm

Hi cosmostar5,


::I still feel like I should write him a hateful and hurtful email - so that he can feel as upset as I did when it happened.


Don't do it. Write an unsent letter instead. If you do this you give him permission to do that same thing to you and things will only escalate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 11:27pm

No no. Leave the letter writing to the crazies. I mean you pulled off an academy award winning performance and you'll screw it over with some letter? Don't do the Halle Berry post-oscars career stuff.

If you ask me, I find the more calm the other person is the madder I get inside. If you'd delivered it hopping mad, I'd be a lot less disturbed than if you'd done it with grace and respect. I'm glad for you. You said what you felt you needed to say without compromising who you are - a wonderful polite person. Don't ruin it! You aren't that kinda girl

Kudos again!

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your