I Wasn't Good Enough
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| Tue, 09-25-2007 - 1:16pm |
Dealing with my bad feelings about myself is making it harder for me to just grieve the loss. I struggle to counter that voice that is telling me I wasn't good enough, and that is why he left.
My highest self knows that is not true. My friends tell me that is not true. Heck, even he doesn't think that is true. This is about me and my self-esteem in or out of a relationship...it's a product of my personal "programming". I know this is where my work on myself is...and I'm looking for ideas on coping with that voice that says over and over to me "you weren't good enough, you weren't good enough". Looking down on him or blaming him is not what I am looking for. Nor am I interested in pursuing another relationship right away. All of that is temporary distraction.
Can others relate?
What do others do to boost self-esteem?

Hi Claudia,
Make a list of positive affirmations about yourself and repeat them aloud to yourself in the mirror daily.
What has worked for me was making a switch in thinking from "not good enough" to "not RIGHT for each other" and realizing that not being right for each other doesn't mean either of us is bad or wrong, we're just not right for each other.
Hi Claudia,
Yes, it works.
That fact (that he ended it) in and of itself makes you not right for each other.
It's up to you whether you look on the difficult issues as "incompatibilities" or not, but the bottom line is, the relationship wasn't working for him and therefore by definition the two of you can't be right for each other.
Sheri
Thanks, Sheri. It would be easier if I had more to go on, but it will have to do. I am beginning to look at the ways I am relieved the relationship is over and examine what was going on there.
Thank you for your support. I feel normal at the moment.
Sheri -
Thank you so much for this post:
"What has worked for me was making a switch in thinking from "not good enough" to "not RIGHT for each other" and realizing that not being right for each other doesn't mean either of us is bad or wrong, we're just not right for each other. There's no blame or judgment attached--we just weren't meant to be as a couple.
It took me a while to get to the point where I could think that and sometimes the old thinking creeps back in, but for the most part, I've been able to make that switch and it really helps (it also helps with dating in general because you take it less personally)."
A few of my close family or friends either want to blame him or me for our break-up. I really need support free of judgement and blame. I come back to what you wrote often.
Thanks again,
Claudia