Breaking Up Confusion

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2007
Breaking Up Confusion
1
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 3:43pm

Hello All, I'm so grateful to have a place to go...while i'm going through all this, i would love to hear your input...

So..where to start?

I had been a very passionate and loving relationship for the past year. Although just a year, we had been through a lot together. He was there for me, I did whatever I could for him, we spent a lot of time together. Unfortunately, it has ended. And I am utterly devastated. I guess I had a lot of trust issues, and he claims that I have pushed him away. Either way, I wanted to work out my issues but still be with him. But he claims that he needs his time away...to clear his head, and then to come back after a few months and then make decisions. I am so hurt. I know that he loves me dearly, but i'm afraid that after a few months he will find that he is fine without me. Even more, I feel that waiting a few months to see what he feels is very unhealthy for me. I've been crying everyday all day..at work, on the train home, when i'm with friends without friends...everything..everytime. This break-up is hard for me cause I've always felt that this guy was the one. I still think he is. But waiting on him...is going to drill me into an unhealthy state. I know it for sure. So i'm not sure if I should try to contact him, to work things out...Or if I should just wait it out, or if I should treat it like a break-up and try to move on. Its only been a week. I know that with time I can heal, but only if I feel that its completely over...but then how can you get to the "completely over" state when you are still in love and still want to be with that person? I want to respect his space. I want to give him what he wants, but I want to make sure that i'll be okay as well.

The second issue is with my friend. My best friend of Eight years. I met my now ex-boyfriend through her. We were inseparable friends, but during this year relationship, we grew apart. I realized that i wasn't spending as much time with her, and once i did, I tried to reconcile, to give her more of my attention. But I feel it was too late. She wasn't there for me when I needed her. And when i did ask for her help she would tell me to go to my boyfriend. Its been rough and rocky.

But at the time when my bf and i split, I went to her first. Even after all our conflict. I felt that she was the only friend I really had. And she has been receiving. She let me stay over at her house, she's spent hours talking to me about things. But I don't feel like our friendship is the same. I almost feel like she is enjoying the fact that i'm going through this. She has always been the friend to tell me that all men cheat. She hung out with my bf a lot and told me the times when he looked at other women, and things he would say. And at first i thought she was looking out for me, but now i feeel differently. I feel like she is..if not intentionally..subconsciously sabotaging. She often explains her feelings about how she thinks i have a weak mentality. She tells me that i have to suck it up. I feel like she doesn't understand my love for him. She is always around now that we are apart. I don't know, there aren't any clear signs..but I just feel like she is not being the friend that i need..because of the advice and things that she does say. Though, at this point in my life..i am rather alone. I have family and friends but most are very far. There is no one to go visit or spend time with except her. So how do I cope with this break-up and deal with a friend that seems to be trying to do the opposite of comforting me?

sorry..if this is alot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 4:15pm

Welcome to the board kbough22,


First your 'friend' sorry,