Had to get this off my chest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Had to get this off my chest.
3
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 6:31pm

ok~ we dated for about four years and lived togeter for a few months.... he made me laugh; made me feel special... but... he drank like a fish; cheated on me; was irresponsible ( both financially and with his own life),

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 8:30pm

Hello, Beautiful ;)

You did the right thing for yourself, be strong. You don't want to compare the kind of happiness you can have with someone who truly deserves you vs. the kind he's having with his ex. That kind of "happiness" isn't actually real, it's had at her expense, it's had on his terms only with no consideration towards anyone else. Whether he's a loser or not is immaterial because you were at two entrely different levels. I could tell you a very close approximation of why he felt the need to go towards someone more "broken" but I'm not sure it'd translate well. What I can tell you is that breakups always happen for very good reasons. Trust that.

You'll soon feel strong and proud that you finally got yourself out of that situation that was holding you back.

Best,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 10:10pm
Thanks Sandra :) I too know why he felt the need to go towards someone "broken" it lifts him up; makes him feel superior.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 11:47pm

Not so much 'superior' as 'not emasculated.' Being with you, with you earning more than him, being in a better place in your life than he is in his, made him feel unmanly. It had less to do with telling you what to do than it did feeling he can actually hold his own in the relationship. It came out in him trying to be the boss of you, but that's more of a smokescreen for what's actually going on. Happens all the time with women who've achieved a certain amount of success in their lives and men who have not. Which is why I said that all breakups happen for "good" reasons. Ultimately, this will open the door for you to actually find the person who IS right for you.

Try not to fast forward the healing process, just like baking a cake, if you rush it, the results won't be nearly as good :)

All the best,

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