still pining quietly, trying to move on
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still pining quietly, trying to move on
| Wed, 09-26-2007 - 6:57pm |
It's been a little over sixty days now and I feel like I'm learning a lot. I got that book 'Are you the one for me' and when I read it it literally makes my stomach turn, because I realize all the reasons why my relationship with my ex was doomed. Not that there was anything I could have done to avoid it...but a lot of it was all me. I was just coming out of a long term relationship and kept the new guy at arm's length out of fear. He kept putting himself out there and I just took and took, without giving back enough (which perhaps I simply wasn't able to do.) The truth hurts, especially seeing it in black and white. Perhaps the most difficult is still loving him, and wishing that it could have worked out, wishing I was ready for him, wishing that the timing had been a little better for us. But also realizing, now that I am alone and taking care of me, that I really needed this time of solitude. I just wasn't ready. I guess this is why hindsight is always 20/20?
I wonder if this is really love I feel, or how much of it is remorse mixed in with dashed hopes. I have an active imagination, so even though I wasn't giving my all to the relationship, I had totally envisioned a wedding, children, growing old, etc. All of that of course came out during the breakup but by then it was too late. There are moments when I feel so overcome with this love for him and feel like if he only knew...and then I come back to reality. He doesn't want to know! If he wished like I wished he wouldn't have said goodbye! So, when I am going to be okay? I tend to love long after I should have said goodbye, and there is this voice in the back of my head that still believes we were made for each other, it was just that the timing was all wrong, and maybe one day we'll reunite. I know it's silly and hopelessly romantic and not at all based in reality, but I still cling to it. How to reconcile this?
I wonder if this is really love I feel, or how much of it is remorse mixed in with dashed hopes. I have an active imagination, so even though I wasn't giving my all to the relationship, I had totally envisioned a wedding, children, growing old, etc. All of that of course came out during the breakup but by then it was too late. There are moments when I feel so overcome with this love for him and feel like if he only knew...and then I come back to reality. He doesn't want to know! If he wished like I wished he wouldn't have said goodbye! So, when I am going to be okay? I tend to love long after I should have said goodbye, and there is this voice in the back of my head that still believes we were made for each other, it was just that the timing was all wrong, and maybe one day we'll reunite. I know it's silly and hopelessly romantic and not at all based in reality, but I still cling to it. How to reconcile this?

Hi quietdomino7,
I think everything you feel is normal and understandable.