Please help me
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| Thu, 09-27-2007 - 6:07am |
Hello,
I would like to share my story with you...
I broke up 3,5 weeks ago on September 2nd. Even though I had a relationship where everything seemed smooth and nice from both sides and everything was good we broke up with my gf 1 week after a marvelous trip we had on an island as she told me that she doesn't feel strong things about me. When I asked her why she was so warm on the vacation and said "How can two people get to know each other more than we do, my love?" and all the love expressions while she had already pre-plan our separation, the answer was that she was "just relaxed" on the vacation.
She is 32 and I'm 30. I was planning 9 days ago (where our aniversary would be) to take her out to an expensive restaurant and propose to her.
As you can understand my life right now is twisted and I don't know what to do. Its going to be 4 weeks this Sunday since our separation and instead of making steps forward, I'm making steps backwards. Everyday is worse instead of better for me.
Every kind of communication ever since was from me.
I'm seriously thinking of the existence of a 3rd person long before we breakup but I have no proofs and I cannot accuse her, cause I will only get to be the "bad" of the story.
I'm writing here cause I'm deeply depressed and in a critical phychological condition. I have lost 7kg the past 3,5 weeks because I cannot eat as much, and I'm unable to perform in the office.
I also need to state that it took me 6 years to do a normal relationship since my last breakup. On this previous breakup (4 year relationship) I wanted to finish things up the past 1,5 years. I didn't because my used to tell me that leaving her would be the end of the world and that she would suicide and such things. So I expected then that after we finish from our studies and go back to our places, distance would work for me. So I didn't breakup with her for 1,5 year but was patient (without ever cheating even I didn't feel much cause I thought it wasn't fair). Two weeks before we finish from our postgraduate degree she cheated with a friend of mine and broke up with me. I was pulling my hair. I told her "what if I did fail my exams with what you did" (said that because she said she would suicide if I'd leave her). She replied "If you failed your master's degree for a woman then you are pathetic". I was shocked. Ever since I was simply having fun and do nothing serious. I had lost my trust to the opposite sex and everyone looked like "freak" to me. Suddenly I did the relationship for which I'm writing now. At this relationship I had found all I wanted out of a woman. Being almost certain of 3rd peson existance before breakup, kills me. I hear all saying about taking time to get over and heal will come. Right now I'm so much dissapointed that I'm freaking out. Cannot get into the procedure of loosing trust again and step 6 years back for one more time.
Please help me with your thoughts, I need it. Just don't write me to "try to forget her". I try to do that but I don't seem to be very successful on that.
Please help me
Edited 9/27/2007 6:59 am ET by ioannisa
Edited 9/27/2007 7:02 am ET by ioannisa
Edited 9/27/2007 7:06 am ET by ioannisa

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm also going through a break-up from someone I was adly in love with, and had been dating for ten months. It's been a week, and by carefully following specific grieveing advice and taking care of myself, I am really feeling normal again.
I've also lost a lot of weight (I was already many pounds down from a month-long illness) due to the stress, but as I bounce back my appetite is returning. I also started taking St. John's Wort a few days ago, which seems to have helped my mood a little.
You don't need to forget her right now; sadness and remembering are inevitable. Can you let yourself grieve her and the loss of the relationship...just let yourself feel your feelings?
I took some time off from work when my love left our relationship and I stayed with some sympathetic friends. Can you take a couple days off? I was too ill to do more than lie still in one place and watch movies, but had I been feeling better I would have gone out to yoga and done other self-nurturing things.
It sounds like you miss her sooo much. Hang in there.
Ioannisa,
I feel for you. I had to close the door to my office so that I could break down and sob in private this morning. My relationship essentially ended the same day as yours, Sept. 2, and I have had some good days and bad days since then but this looks to be a bad day.
I do find, though, that reading through the boards and seeing what other people have been through helps. Often I read someone's story and I think "he/she wasn't treating you very well, you're better off out of it." And then I realize, that's true of me too, although I'm having trouble 'feeling
Welcome to the board ioannisa,
Everything you feel is normal. Grief is a powerful emotion.
I thank you all for your replies and for the full understanding your have presented...
Hey pixchan, what a Sunday the one on the 2nd of September ah?
Ioannisa,
You sound so much better today and I'm feeling a lot better too. Claudia? I've also stopped checking my personal e-mail and cellphone so often. Sometimes not for days. I know there's nothing there,
Hi Pix, Ioannisa. My thoughts are with both of you as we all heal. I am feeling better...in fact, I feel very strong right now.
I seem to be strongest when I am able to remain in touch with the inner voice of my highest self and my belief that I am exactly where I need to be right now. I am also allowing myself as much time as I need to heal... I follow the guides I've found here and my inner wisdom, and trust that they will pull me through this at just the speed I require. I have completely relinquished conscious control over directing when I will get over this at the same time I do what feels right to help myself heal.
Surprisingly, this attitude and action seems to almost paradoxically have me speeding through the grief process. It's almost like now that my need to control is out of the way, my higher mind and the workings of nature can get on with their task of repairing my heart. I have been rendered almost completely non-functional by relationships that were shorter with men who were far less suited to me. This faster, easier recovery is new to me...but seems to point again and again to love for both of us, acceptance of who we are respectively and the situation, compassion for both of us, self-awareness, a willingness to grow, trust in my own ability to heal myself...and a belief, always, that I am exactly where I need to be right now.
These are not things I usually think or do...I am only a week and a half into this process, and I daresay there is something powerful blooming in me.
Time will tell. I am learning.
Be strong, friends! Please let me know how you are coping. I'm sending you sooooo much healing love.