Sooooooo sad...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sooooooo sad...
9
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 3:31am
Everyday I look at my ex's myspace page, more than I can count (I know I shouldn't...) and I see people leaving him comments to make plans and I read his bulletins and he talks about how he had fun last night out with his friends, and today he posted a bulletin about his birthday coming up in ten days, I'm assuming to remind his friends he wants to go out. I would have wanted him to ask me to see him on his birthday, but I already know that he doesn't even want to see me. It hurts to know that he's having so much fun, and I can't seem to do the same. I've been staying home a lot, only out to go to class or work, other than that, I've tried hanging out with friends, it seems like I'm almost addicted in feeling sorry for myself at home. It doesn't seem like he even thinks about me at all. Also, these bulletins he posts and pics of him and his friends going out really makes me heartbroken, and I am sure he knows that I see it. He's already broken my heart, why does he have to go out and shove all these things in my face? I know that I don't have to go to his page and look at it, but he knows that I will, so why do it? Why can't he just be humble about all of this? Tonight I felt the urge to contact him but I won't. We used to celebrate our monthly anniversaries, and it would have been 2 years and 4 months a day before his birthday coming up. I know he won't even call me. Why do I pretend like he still cares? This is ridiculous, this is torture, this is the worst feeling in the world, I feel so pathetic. And I'm sick of people telling me to get over it, they don't understand, it's not that easy to just drop somebody and move on, it's a whole different lifestyle now and I'm not enjoying any of it. It's more like I have no life. I've lost interest in everything, every minute I am thinking about him. oh my god, this is horrible! I cant believe i am wasting my life trying to grieve over this. The worst part of all this is, even though i am trying to slowly move on, I know that I will just feel this horrible again once he moves away next year. I'm not looking forward to having to go through this again! I don't want him to move, I would rather have him stay in the same state and know he's still around. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: neko_hi
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 12:47pm

Neko_hi you are responsible for your own happiness and your own sadness, believe it or not.


This part: "I know that I don't have to go to his page and look at it, but he knows that I will, so why do it? Why can't he just be humble about all of this?"


I don't understand this kind of thinking. You want HIM to be responsible for your actions and your lack of self-control?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
In reply to: neko_hi
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 12:19am

Sorry, have to go with Carrie on this.

Ultimately, you have to recognize that this long drawn out nightmare is now of our own doing. He's not shoving his life in your face, you're burying yourself in it. And I know what I'm talking about since I've been there recently and done it.

And you're absolutely correct, it IS a totally different lifestyle. But it's a lifestyle with you in the driver's seat. Tell me if I'm wrong, but I bet part of the misery is the unfairness of it all - why does he get to have fun while you're not enjoying anything. I guarantee that when you start making your new lifestyle something to be proud of, you'll spend less (if any) time and effort trying to integrate yourself into his.

Anyways, when I broke up (read: dumped), I gave myself a week to grieve, then I refused to think about him at all. I ran punishment laps every time I got weepy. Give it a shot. Running yourself into the ground everytime you look at his myspace will fix you in a heck of a hurry.

Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: neko_hi
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 2:50am
I know you guys are both right, it's just so hard. I won't delete him from my myspace page because I am hoping we will soon be able to be friends (if I can deal with that), and I should be strong enough not to look at it, but I know I will keep looking at it...I am good at NC, but not good at stopping myself from looking at his profile to see what's he up to. I even just looked at it a few minutes ago and saw some girl posting a comment about them hanging out and I almost died. I don't know why I don't learn from this, I shouldn't even be looking at it because I am only hurting myself. I guess I just want to see how he's dealing with the situation and he seems to be so fine with it, of course, it was HIS idea to breakup. ugh. you're right, i do think it's not fair, i wish he was suffering just as much as i am, but unfortunately he's not. life is so cruel sometimes. i want to fast forward these days so much! :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: neko_hi
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 12:02pm

Ok, wait, LOOKING is a form of contact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
In reply to: neko_hi
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 12:22pm

Hey neko_hi -

I was there with you - constantly checking up on his facebook and myspace. Though I knew I wouldn't find anything that would make me feel like crap, like he moved on, or anything, cause he still had our pictures up.

But I did find out some things that didn't make me happy, like that he was having a house party or that a girl that I didn't like and he KNOWS I don't like her, messaged him. I was thinking, I know I don't have any say in this, so why do I choose to torture myself?? I can't call him and ask him why he's talking to this girl or ask him what he plans to do at his party. SO after that I decided to totally stop. I almost looked again last night, but I said heck no, I cannot look at his profile without wondering what he's up to, without keeping him in my thoughts every minute of the day. I realized when I did check his profiles, it was because I wanted to know he still thought of me. I mean seriously, what can you really know about what they're thinking through their profiles??

I talked to my therapist about this and she shook her head and said "No, it's such a bad idea. You checking on his profiles - it's not a real relationship, it's an illusion of one."
So I checked his profiles to maintain a connection with him. But this connection was driving me up the wall cause it's not real. It's not the kind of connection I want. So I stopped. It's hard but I have to keep reminding myself why.

I would delete him from your friend list and make a conscious effort to stop checking his profile and know why you have to. You can add him later when you are able to be friends with him, but for now, it's doing you more harm than good.

Good luck to you and big hugs! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: neko_hi
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 1:44pm
I decided to not look at his profile anymore, it was only hurting me. Nothing good came out of it at all, only the fact that I stayed on his top 8 of friends, which I had asked to keep me on there when we broke up (so he'd HAVE to look at my picture everytime he went on haha). But of course, he's still on my top 8 as well, so I see his pic too (with another girl!) but I will try to be strong and not look at it. I just woke up and I go straight to this message board so I can have a better morning. I have a dream of him every night that we're still together and we're just hanging out and I'm so happy in my dream! And it feels so real, it's almost like I broke NC lol. I can't believe it's been a month since we haven't been together, the more reason to accept that he isn't coming back after all this time, I guess I kept thinking he just needed space to think about me and miss me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
In reply to: neko_hi
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 2:54pm

Hello,looks like your in a bit of a pickle. My boyfriend split up with me a month ago and im still finding it so hard now, i see him at college all the time and i cant even look at him let alone talk to him because hes hurt me so much iv realised after splitting up with him 2 times before that relationships never work twice however hard you try!! Maybe it's better that he is moving away because then you wont have no reason to look on his myspace and you wont be hoping for things that you cant have just take it from experience,he obviously split up with you for a reason. Dont look at his pictures or call him because he knows your goin to look at his pictures and all the comments,he is probably doing it on purpose to make you jealous.he will

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
In reply to: neko_hi
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 3:08pm

Looking at his myspace page is also breaking NC. Is it really doing you any favours knowing he's gone and far away? I can tell you it was incredibly painful when I unwittingly ran into him one day and he was perfectly alright. And fast-forwarding an endless amount of days is going to do nothing at this point. I had that friend that literally mired herself in her breakup for a a few years because she was determined to stick it out as friends. But life doesn't happen that way - there has to be a period of separation before you can re-define your relationship.

Look at it this way, you can always re-add him at a later time. if he's the kinda of friend that's worth keeping, he'll understand.

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: neko_hi
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 3:19pm
I won't look at his page anymore. But I still don't want him to move away. He won't be moving until probably in the spring. And I don't understand how guys can just go and have the desire to be with other girls so suddenly. I don't know if he's seeing anybody, but it would be so heartless if he was. If he's moving, he probably knows better not to get serious anyways. When we first started dating, he said he would wait me to finish school and then we'd move up to San Fran together. Well I have less than a year left, and he wants out and wants to go up already. It wasn't about the waiting, it was more than that. From what he told me, it was because "we're not growing or progressing" "I want to focus on my music and move by myself" (although he has soo many friends up in san fran waiting for him), "I think I'd be better with somebody who was more laid back" (I thought I was! lol) "I gave you too many chances" (I gave him so many chances too) "I'm not that into you, but i still have feelings for you and I miss you. it just has to end" Ahhhhhh! sooo painful. We used to both think we'd just get back together so we never really tried too much to really work it out, but this breakup has taught me so much and im willing to work things out, but it's too late now. I just wanted one chance! And I know it would have only been the last chance because that was all we needed. I won't ever do a rebound thing, it's just not me at all. I can't even think about being with anybody else for awhile. I've grown so much and learned so much about myself, and I know what I can do to make things work between us but no, it's just done now. I'm still shocked sometimes, never angry, just sad.