was never in love only stayed 4 da kids
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was never in love only stayed 4 da kids
| Mon, 10-01-2007 - 4:01am |
I was with my boyfriend for almost 8 yrs and he broke up with me about a month ago. His excuse was he was not happy anymore. I wasnt satisfied with what hes telling me so I had to get it out of him. He told me the main reason was he was never in love with me. I got pregnant and he wanted to be a man and take care of our baby thats why he stayed.

That is almost exactly what just happened to me! Except we actually got married while I was pregnant with out 2nd. We have been married for 16 years, together for 18 as of this summer. What helped push him to end it was the fact that his ex girlfriend/fiance who he broke up with when he found out I was pregnant and decided to "do the right thing" came back into his life this last spring and he decided to end it with me since he didn't love me and hasn't been happy for who knows how long.
So, I know exactly what you are going through. It hurts so bad to know that you can be married for so long to only find out you were never loved. All I have to do is think of that and I just want to die. I've loved him so much and I know I always will. And the ex that came back is the sweetest thing. I've met her a couple times and I feel bad for what happened way back then but then I hate that they are doing this to me. It's like everyone gets to be happy with their new life and love and I don't get anything!
I know we'll still be friends. I know we'll be better friends than we ever were. But I feel the last 18 years were such a lie and it kills me. People keep telling me I need to just cut him off but we are talking more than we ever have before. I am getting along with his family better than I have in a long time. We talk almost every day and even do lunch or dinner every once in a while. He's the father of my children. If I can't be friends with him and try to make things work between us and even his girlfriend, I would be setting a bad example for my children.
I heard the same stuff needing to find myself which I admit, I do need to do that. I have spent all these years being a mother and wife. That's all I know. I've always worked full time too. I know I can learn from our break up and I am determined to become a better person from it too. It's just so hard right now.
If you ever want to talk you can email me at thebooknut@gmail.com.
Welcome to the board msheartbroken,
He wants his freedom but he's not ready to leave, hmmm sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too.
This part: "He looked at me and he said that he does not want to be alone and he doesnt want me to get over him."
I'm sorry to say Carrie's on the dot here. There are at least a few people I know, a few couples, who have fallen out of love, and managed to rebuild it into a better relationship.
After 8 years, it would be difficult to get over anyone. Honestly. But if you think about it, how will staying with him another year, two years, in this pseudo-relationship help?
If you want to get over him, show him the door right now. He's free to consult a lawyer to arrange visitation rights with his children. And being the gracious mother that you are, you will of course cooperate for the best interest of your kids. But I think, at some point, you'll look at yourself, and think, "If my son or daughter was in my position, as their mother, is this the type of relationship I want them to have? That I think they deserve? This fake relationship?". Because that's what you're showing them every day you choose to endure this..person..in your house. Why should they expect more when their mother, someone they admire and look up to, settles for this loser? And when you realize that, well, that's the day you'll put your foot down and kick him straight to the curb.
good luck!
Susanna
Thank you guys so much for the great advice. I am glad that I found you guys. I have a lot to think about and will keep you guys updated.
Thanks again.
msheartbroken