His birthday is coming up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
His birthday is coming up...
14
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 3:04am
His birthday is on the 10th of this month, and I don't know if I should call just to say Happy Birthday. I can see how it would set me back, but I'd also like to be nice and say it. I don't know if it will really mean anything for him, and I am positive it won't make him come back to me. What should I do? My birthday will be in November, and I wonder if he will call me on my birthday as well..that I won't know until then of course, but in the mean time, what do you guys think? Should I be friendly and say Happy Birthday even though it will hurt to speak with him and letting him know I was thinking of him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 3:12am

If you think it will help your situation, and maybe help you feel a bit better, then send him a e-card or email wishing him a Happy Birthday. It's not the worse thing in the world. If he doesn't respond, you move on. If he does respond, you'll deal with it when the time comes.


The guy I am pining away for, his birthday is this month. Actually his birthday is exactly one week after my dad's birthday. I am seriously thinking of sending him a simple card to wish him a Happy Birthday.


The last time he talked to me, we had a fight and he told me he didn't want to be friends with me anymore. But then he said it wasn't forever, give him some time and space and we'll revisit the issue a few months down the road. He also said he wouldn't mind me dropping a email to him letting him know how I was doing.


I am still very sad about him and think about him often and cry about him at the drop of a hat.


I miss him terribly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 3:31am
Maybe it's better I don't call him, although I miss hearing his voice so much. I'll send him an e-mail but I don't know what to say. I don't want to be really lame and just say Happy Birthday, I hope you are doing well. I miss my ex terribly too. I cry everyday and even listen to songs that remind me of him. I still check my phone to see if he called and everytime my phone rings, I'm always hoping it's him. I see him online sometimes and wish he would just message me and say "I want you back", but that's just a fantasy. So many times I picture us back together again, especially in my dreams. Sometimes I think about how it would be so great if we just randomly met each other and bumped into each other like in a movie and he would take it as a sign that we were supposed to be together. haha. I hate how he's so strong in sticking with his decisions. I'm sure in many ways he does miss me and think about me at times, but not as often as I do, and he would never dare act upon his feelings. He's positive about not wanting to be with me and I've pretty much accepted this, but sometimes I'm still waiting around for him even though I know he won't ever give it another chance. All I wanted was just one chance again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 7:14am

My ex also has a birthday coming up. I am definately not contacting him. Not because I don't love him, but because I don't want any setbacks (it has only been 2 weeks since he left the relationship). For me (and even for the ephemeral "us"), progress toward sanity and stability is #1, and I think maintaining NC absolutely is the way to go for that.

I have to admit, when I read all the posts here agonizing over missed birthday calls, I had to think about this a long time...but in our case, because of my values and beliefs and experiences, I am pretty sure this is right, and that he would agree with me on this.

I am due to send him his stuff soon, and I may include a letter in that (haven't decided yet) with a happy birthday. But I have some time to make that decision.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 12:25pm

If you want to continue to make progress in your healing then you need to keep up no contact even on his birthday.


If you're willing to start the time period for healing over, then contact him--but accept responsibility for the consequences.


If the two of you are meant to be friends once you're over him, you can wish him happy birthday NEXT year.


Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 5:43pm

Just real quick, to answer your original question:

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 5:52pm

For his birthday, I got one of those things where you buy a land on the moon, and I named it after us. At the time I thought it was cute, and I had even told him that I'd still give it to him when we first broke up. I don't want to keep it, and I'd like to give it to him so I was thinking about sending it to him snail mail with a note that says Happy Birthday. I know that he broke up with me, but you don't think it's a good idea to even just say Happy Birthday? I wouldn't dare say I miss him and think about him or anything, I would just say something like "Today is your birthday, so I thought I'd wish you a happy birthday." But I wouldn't call him, maybe just send him an e-mail. I don't know, this is so hard. I don't even expect him to write back, and even if he did, he would just say thanks. So there's no expectations here.

As for that question, if I had one last chance, what would I do? I would try and talk with him about how we can talk things through more, we tried talking about it once, but that's when we broke up a few weeks later. After this agonizing breakup, I've had time to reflect on our relationship and I see that there's so much potential. I would try to support him more in his music and try to argue less about the little things we argued about. And I know I would really try because I wouldn't want to lose him again. To me, I thought we were still growing and just needed to work things out more, but to him, he said we weren't progressing and that we gave it too many chances. I've told him everything I could about us, but it doesn't matter now, it wasn't even just about that, it was about how he was still young and wanted to focus on his music, and I was tying him down.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 6:13pm
i was just watching Great Expectations at the part where Finn goes after Estella and starts kissing her in the rain, ahhhhhh! I cried! I wish that was me
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 8:46pm

My brand new ex's birthday is tomorrow. No way in hell I'll call. :) I loved him dearly, but when it's over, it's O-V-E-R. It's not mean and cruel, it's healthy. It means you have loads of self-esteem that says you deserve much better than you got. Stay strong!!


BTW, my b-day is in two weeks. I don't expect anything, but I started to plan my own party because I refuse to sit and feel sorry for myself. If I have the rest of my life in front of me, then I want the rest of my life to begin now!!


Take care!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 8:53pm
I hate how I keep thinking that he just needs more time and he'll realize he made a mistake and will eventually call me. This is not true, it's just a fantasy. I hope he misses me A LOT. maybe not. but I miss him, literally every other second i am thinking about him. this is not one of my better days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 9:04pm

hang in there!!! I know it's tough. I had to cancel my flight today where I was going to the city where he lives to celebrate my b-day and look for apartments together. I hit cancel then went into my co-worker's room, shut the door, and cried. About 5 minutes later I emerged laughing. He gave me the best birthday present a girl could ask for (uh, in his own way of course) which is the freedom I need to find the right person for me.


Have some back up plans. If you wanted to send him a card for his b-day, buy the card and write down everything you want, then give it to a close friend. Every time you want to check his myspace page it's one step closer to going towards the life you don't want as opposed to the life you do want. It's SO hard to accept that it's over but I'm telling you the sooner you do, the sooner you will move on.


I've been through

 

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