Lost my dream guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2007
Lost my dream guy
3
Sun, 12-16-2007 - 2:04am
Do people ever get back together again? Should I just give up all hope? Please e-mail me with encouraging words. I don't know how to go on. Many thanks!


Edited 12/18/2007 12:27 am ET by girlinlove1972
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sun, 12-16-2007 - 2:44am

I'm not 100% sure I understand the situation. But if he broke up with you and disappeared for 8 months and then expected to get back together with no repercussions - well, that's a bit much to expect. Obviously there will be issues about trust after any break up and reunion.

On the other hand, you mean you two had a long distance relationship for up to 8 months then well...it's really hard to diagnose with the information given, so, as usual, I'll just throw out some general ideas. If you're freaking out about his constant coming and going, but he's never given you any reason to freak out..well, it may be that there's a general lack of self-esteem or too much of your life has been built around him. It's kind of like..mmm, friendships. If you have ONE friendship, you're very likely to cling and suffocate that person in an attempt to keep them close. If you have many friendships, having one person blow you off isn't such a big deal because you have 49 others to replace them. Does that make sense?

On the other hand, I had one of my friends just break up with her boyfriend. He'd been international for 3 months with no real plans about when he'd come back (if ever). She compared it to being stuck in limbo, and it just wasn't something she could live with. Possibly same scenario. If his job requires frequent traveling, and it's something you're unable to deal with, perhaps it's for the best that you split.

Do people ever get back together after they break up? According to this board, they do. But you're better off thinking that you won't or else you'll trap yourself in the 'waiting and hoping' phase forever. Get on those relationship books, anything that improves you can only be for the better

All the best


- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2007
Sun, 12-16-2007 - 3:06am
It was one year into the relationship when he left to go overseas for 8 months. Then this last time he was leaving again for 5 months..we broke up 3 weeks ago 3 months into this next job of his.He was such a wonderful boyfriend even though he was away all the time and I was emotional all the time. I was all over the place. i did well in the 8 months he was away but when he came back...I felt too much pressure to be perfect trying to reconnect ..I didn't know how to be myself and just kept on wanting to run away hoping he'd chase me and tell me he loved me. I did a lot of testing which was wrong and at a certain point when I brought up wanting to see others because at two years I am confused...he told me that sometimes he feels like he has to lose me in order to want to get to the next step? He has a habit of wanting what he can't have and has told me this before. I think I am the same way ...Anyways the distance doesn't bother me. i think he's worth it and I was hoping he'd want to stick around while I work on my issues but he says that he needs to be alone right now. he admits to having issues ..not sure what he means by that. He says when he comes back we can talk, he doesn't know where we'll be but he says he needs to seperate from me completely. I want to call him or write him but everyone says to leave him alone. I really hope when he comes home to his place over the holidays he will think things through...I am just so heartbroken...I want to call him and hear his voice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 12-16-2007 - 1:35pm

Welcome to the board girlinlove1972,


Here's your previous post: can I get him back?


All relationships are a learning experience.... to know yourself, to know what you want and don't want in a relationship and to help us all mature and grow.