It's over...again

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
It's over...again
3
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 3:47pm

Hi everyone,


I've posted here before, over the summer, when my boyfriend and I broke up. A few months later we reconciled, and a couple of nights ago we split again, for good. It was a 1.5 year relationship, and a good one...except he didn't want to settle down, and I eventually want to.


I'm sure many of you have been in a situation where you KNOW something to be wrong (in my case, he didn't want to settle down) but you stay anyway. When we got back together, I knew that it wouldn't lead anywhere, but I thought being with him was better than not being with him, and I did not (and do not) want to be with anyone else. I consider myself to be a mature person who usually makes rational decisions, but I just wasn't ready to let him go. He was the first guy to ever truly love me.


I'm going through all the emotions that I had the first time around--uncontrollable crying, no appetite. There is no good time for a breakup, but the holidays are an especially difficult time of year. I've asked for one month of no contact, which he agreed to, but I know he still wants to be friends. I'm having trouble with

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 5:08pm

Hi Anne,
Sorry you are going through this. After months, I still have my days of no appetite and crying episodes. I do understand how you feel.

Let's think rationally. So you guys called it quits because he doesn't want to commit. If you have waited 1.5 years and this isn't going anywhere, you did the right thing. Since you obviously want more out of this. What you are doing is right. You need some break right now from him; if he were to reconsider and realise what he is missing, then maybe he will. But as much as it hurts now, you are better of doing it now.

Can you take a trip somewhere, reconnect with old friends, keep busy at work, take up some activities that you always wanted to, basically do all the things that you ever wanted to. Rediscover yourself. I am not much with advise but just wanted to let you know that I understand..and wanted to send you my words of encouragement. It WILL get better ! Maybe you can be friends later, but for now try to remain busy so you have as little a contact as possible.

Think of it- do you want to be in this emotional rollercoaster ride with this person, who may never commit. Best to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 10:36pm

Hi Anne


I know its tough and even harder to explain in a rational way to anyone. You do love him and wished he had done you something terrible so you could find enough reasons to make moving on easier.


I am in the

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Thu, 12-20-2007 - 3:55pm

I have been broken up from a four year relationship for one month now..i have posted on the message boards and it actually helped me...It was so hard to even think about being by myself after us breaking up right after Thanksgiving, so just imagine...Still to this day a month later it is still hard because I wanted to be with him forever plus thier are kids involved..so i have it worse and I actually have to see him all the time and we have to talk because of the kids..but I think you need more than a month to get over feelings for someone..And alot longer to gain a friendship out of it..


I feel bad because it is the Holiday season and I know exactly how you feel but there are alot worse things than being lonely..like the above reply find things to do to keep busy..I actually started exercising three days after we broke up and its working there is nothing better than a break up you can look better after..


Good luck and I hope you can be strong enough not to give in to feelings when you see him..Maybe its better for you not to see him at all..not as a grudge but for your peace of mind..out of sight out of mind..

 

Marissa