How Do you Let Go? Need Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
How Do you Let Go? Need Help
1
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 10:49am

Hi all,


New to the boards, been lurking and finally felt I should write. I'm in a bad situation with my bf, we're 8 years apart, I'm 31 he's 38. Just a VERY quick background on him (I'm leaving a lot out to save time and space here) - He's a very bad functioning alcoholic, very addictive personality (everything from pills, women, etc) - Problem is this: I have an addictive personality too, except my addiction is not something like drugs or alcohol, however its just as bad. My addiction is HIM! I've been reading a lot about "love addiction" and the like, and I'm positive I suffer from that. When he doesn’t answer me I have actual panic attacks where I feel physical symptoms, right down to abnormal breathing. I shake, cry, etc. Yesterday I went home from work early due to a bad headache and when I called him at 1pm to tell him this, I could tell he was at a bar and drunk because it was very loud. I said "wow its so loud, where are you?" (innocent question, right?) well, he goes "you don’t have to know where I am" he then became very irrational and out of nowhere said I should sell his christmas presents on ebay and if I call him again he'd call the cops (mind you I'd only called once). I couldn’t understand it and then proceeded to go nuts! I texted him ALL DAY LONG, I'd have to say ATLEAST 50-75 texts throughout the day. Only a few responses. One response was "you call at bad times then you don’t stop talking". Later in the day he responded to me saying "am drunk at a bar by my house" I wrote back that he really hurt me and he wrote "sorry" around 9pm he wrote "not mad, just tired"


I don’t understand all this. I've never dated someone like this, an addict/drunk who only seems to care about themselves and not care if they hurt anyone in the process of what they do. I know this person is SO VERY TOXIC to me, but still I just cant seem to find the strength to walk away and STAY AWAY!!! How do you do it? I need to get away from him because this mess is only hurting me and there is nothing good he can bring to the table, nor does he seem to even WANT to, so how do I do it? Why is it so difficult to let go of something so hurtful and bad for you? You'd think it would be all the more easy, but no.

Jacki

153.2 / 152.2 / 120

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 11:38am

Welcome to the board jetsluvr,


May I ask, where did you learn that love looks like this (this being what you've been playing out)?