Need a guy's input

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
Need a guy's input
2
Sun, 12-23-2007 - 11:49am

I have been divorced for 2 months and separated 3 months before that. A month after the divorce my XH proposed to his girlfriend (who was his first love from high school who he went out with for 5 years but he slept with me after he proposed to her and I got pregnant, you can figure out the rest.) Anyway, he found her this last spring/summer and hooked up with her, found they still loved each other and the rest is obvious. Any way, when we had sex after he proposed to her we went out and he ended up telling me he came over not just for sex but because it was still hard for him to see me and not have some feelings for me still. We have kids together and have been more friends than anything for a really long time and we did/still have a good time together even when it doesn't include sex. Well, there are lots of times we go out together that he doesn't tell her about and he obviously doesn't tell about our sex and sleeping together. We hide it from the kids so as not to confuse them and we have kept it hidden from the family. He keeps asking me if I'm "okay" with the sex cause he doesn't want me to be upset cause he's with her now and I'm not upset. I am in total acceptance of his engagement. I figure I might as well enjoy myself with him cause I am moving out of state next summer so I have no plans on looking to start a relationship with anyone until I'm settled after the move. Sometimes the way he puts it, he just wants to help me get through all of this, sometimes I feel he has his cake and it eating it too. She lives out of state so he sees her maybe 2-3 weekends a month. We are together during the week, sometimes once or twice on the weekends. I go over to fix all of them, my ex and my kids dinner during the week or breakfast on the weekends.

My question is, is he trying to make the transition easier on me or is he doing this cause he can? I don't care either way. I'm getting something I wouldn't get for a long time anyway, sex. I totally know it's over between us especially when I know that he is engaged but sleeping with me. This is how it all started 19 almost 20 years ago too. Same guy, same 2 women. I don't plan on stopping so don't even suggest it. I know it will stop when she moves in with him or I move, whichever comes first. We are just really good together sometimes and I think we both might miss that.

Any ideas what's going on in his head?

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 12-24-2007 - 8:29am

Hi brokenbutterfly,

....."I don't plan on stopping so don't even suggest it. I know it will stop when she moves in with him or I move, whichever comes first. We are just really good together sometimes and I think we both might miss that. Any ideas what's going on in his head?".....

I guess for one, you might not get too many responses to your post based on two things: This board contains mostly women and you've already said to not suggest the one glaringly obvious bit of input that might actually help you start to put this all behind you. There are more men on the Guy Talk board, you can ask Gigi, Spice.Man, or EverySecondTuesday what they think on this there :)

Anyway, he's doing it because you're letting him. "Wow, I'm getting away with this!" to answer your question more directly. Simple as that.

Since you've made your mind up on what you're going to do, I will just wish you the best of luck.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 12-24-2007 - 8:59pm

Hi brokenbutterfly2007,


I agree with the response you got from Sandra.