damn me! I broke NC!!! please read
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| Fri, 12-28-2007 - 9:16am |
I was doing great. i had NC for 5 days, and was not doing *great* but was getting by. tears were lessening, i was started to eat again....and i had even motivated to go out to my friends brothers bday party last night. i couldnt leave well enough alone....
(just a quick background, i have been posting here. i was the one whose bf broke up the week we had been dating a year, he decided it couldnt work, had no future, didnt want to get married, had tension building in our relationship, etc...but we both have kids, who became best friends, i thought things were great and we were incredibly close, etc- in a sense i felt like i was blindsided and he did it in a panic. he had a bad divorce, which still continues 2 years later)
so i was on my way out. dressed up. feeling good. WHY DID I DO IT? i picked up the phone and called him. he already told me it was definately over. he said he didnt think we would ever see or speak to each other again. he said he didnt want to talk so he didnt create false hope. but 5 days in...i called. i didnt think he would answer. he has caller ID and I for sure thought i would be screened. he answered. then i realized i had nothing to say. ugh. I felt like an idiot immediately. i said "i just have one question. i want to know if these days have been difficult for you" (last time i saw him he was crying uncontrolably). he asked "why would that help you? why do you want to know that" i said it was because i wanted to know if our relationship meant anything to him. he was very intent on not telling me, he said it wouldn't help. i told him i wanted to know if he was going through something similar. he then told me he couldn't sleep well, he was having bad dreams, yes he felt lonely and sad. yes he thought about me and he was having a hard time, but made it clear that it was the right decision.
I asked if he was relieved i was out of his life. he said "i am not relieved, but i am relaxed. the tension we were having is gone and it is a bit more relaxing. he went on to tell me he felt that we started to needle each other a bit and make passive agressive comments (which i guess he was right) that we would not have made before. i told him it was because we didnt take the proper time or space to fix the issues that boiled beneath the surface.

wow....that went better than im sure couldve been expected. your next move? DONT CALL. youve
made your point. now that you know he is thinking about time and space....give it to him. let him
miss you. clearly its bugging him that you havent been calling because he made the sarcastic
I know. I will not call again. I thought waiting 5 days was a big step, and better then i thought i could do, so i guess i can do that again, but longer next time.
He still has not returned my stuff, and I didn't bring it up when we spoke. he knows he has it. not sure why he isn't doing it. He wouldn't have to contact me to do it, he could just leave it with my doorman. but nothing...
in all honesty, do you think when i said, "sometimes with time and space, it can fix things" and he said "that is what i hear", do you think that means he has been hearing that from someone? a friend or a family member?
also, when i said, you can call me sometime, it sounds so sad, but him saying "i will think about it, was more then the flat out never i had gotten before. i wonder if the time is doing something...
truth is, i have to accept that i will not hear from him again. sadly, i think he made up his mind and he is saying those things to please me.
Breaking NC is common, and don't be surprised if after all this, you continue to call. One day you will stop, and when you do, it will be at the right time and place. It has to happen naturally, and it will. I know everyone gets mad with themselves when they break the rule, but it's common, especially in relationships. I promise you, the day will come, and you will get tired of that feeling, everytime you break the rule. It took me some time, and I finally got it. I'm now going on 4 years, and I remember the rough days so clearly. Now, there just thoughts, and I only think of them, when I'm trying to help others on these boards. Take care and good luck...
It's OK that you broke NC. Please take care of yourself now, amd do not put yourself down. Also know he is going through similar emotions, although probably does not deal with them in the same manner you do. My ex was crying to me, and could not look at certain Christmas ornaments, as I collect them. He was crying in the store when I broke NC. But in the end, he said "it will never work". It is so hard to accept, and I wonder why not try one more time. I wish I could answer that questions for alll of us.
seachells