Depressed and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2007
Depressed and confused
1
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 8:41am

THIS IS A LONG STORY BUT PLEASE READ I NEED ADVICE.


I have been in a relationship with this guy for four and a half years since I was 16 and I'm now 21. We have had lot of ups and downs throughout this relationship, things including cheating, lies and deceit. I have had my part and so has he but we got past all that and it was never a problem. The only thing we had to worry about was long distant he lived 210 miles away as he is in a band (on the verge of making it) however he has been in it for 4 years and has seen no money from it but gets free holidays to America alot and has toured with big names, this band always comes first and i understood that which is why i never made him come back and live with me even though he has lived away for 3 and half years now. I was going to move in with him 3 n halfyears ago, I sent all my things to the flat but found out 2 weeks before that he had cheated on me, he begged me to still go but i was 17 and that gave me alot of worries so i just never went since that. Also because that girl he cheated on me with lives there and is friends with all the band now so a bit arkward for me. Anyway thats just some background on our situation. Well this year he had a month tour in may i told him i couldn't do this anymore because i missed him going away and it hurt so i finished it, he was distraught and begged me to keep in contact..so i did because i do love him. Then he came back in june and we hung out the whole month and got really close again, he had a two month tour coming up in july/august/September time and he was promising me the band wouldn't last long etc and that he will do his best to keep in contact. The only other problem is his manager is a pig and set up these girls (groupie girls) to do a video with the band where the girls get drunk, naked and get off with all the band, he told me he wouldn't have anything to do with it and that there was no way they were going to do any video. Anyway he went off and a couple of weeks in i asked about these girls and he said "theres only two and one bloke filming and their only going to video us playing", on top of this he didn't email much and i just got fed up again and told him it was over and not to contact me. 5 days later he contacted me begging me to talk to him and that he wanted me bk. He came off the two month tour and we met up twice he told me then that he wanted me bk and he loves me and i did feel the same. Anyway he went away for a month in october and everything was ok he missed my 21st though :-( but he sent me a card and tx me everyday telling me he was going to sort things out. When he came bk he acted different going on about the band as though it wasn't actually coming to an end like he said, and i just thought "here we go again"! so there is this guy who likes me and he txs me on my b'day and we get chatting and he asks to meet and i just thought "why not?" so i met him and i told my ex that i was meeting this guy and he got really upset telling me "why are you doing this, i love you" and everytime i was with this guy all i could think about was my ex and how he doesn't even compare to him so i thought "this has to end" so i finished it with this guy and told my ex who seemed pretty chuffed and happy. Then....i go on myspace and i see this girls page saying "____ is my wonderfull boyfriend" and all these pics of her and him up on her page of them cuddling. I rang him up and asked him (because he told me he never slept with anyone on his tour when we broke up) and he confessed to sleeping with her but said were not together we do talk but its not serious. The story goes on! i thought why is she saying "boyfriend" and ur saying ur not? well he came bk my way for a bit and i made him show me the emails from her and he had been saying "i love you" they'd been going out since august when we split!! and all this time he has been trying to get me bk! well this broke my heart but he has a way of watering things down to me and wouldn't let me walk away he blocked the door and cried saying "i got myself into a mess" "i want you, i always have" but all this time he made me feel bad for seeing this guy when he was going out with some girl from america....oh and the last tour he went on they met again when he was away for my b'day!!!! which i found out a few days later. even on the two month tour i saved money to join him but the manager said there was no room so i couldn't go...but guess what? that girl spent a week on their tour bus at the same time i was going to! but after all this i was still talking to him, and he was telling me he'd sort it out...get rid of her etc. Then he goes to his mates for a weekend and then comes bk and says he thinks the best thing to do is to split up because he doesn't think i'll ever be happy with him and he split up with this american girl too. I was so shocked i just couldn't believe that after everything i do and put up with! now i have tried ringing him just to talk because i dont understand where all this has come from and he just hangs up and turns his fne off as though im some sort of enemy! this really hurts i feel like im chasing but im not i just dont see why he tried so hard to have me then drops me just like that! and everytime i ever finished it i always spoke to him if he tx me! he has really hurt me and i feel empty because i cant even speak to him, i sent him emails and i have had no replys and tx's and still no replies and now he hangs up on me! he says he wants me to be happy but i have tx sayin i need him to answer because i need to know things for my peace of mind...so if he wants me to be happy then how is not txing me or emailing me going to do that? he has made me sad in every situation, i know splitting is what we probably needed to do which is why i did it ages ago but what i dont understand is why he dragged us through all this

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 4:32pm

Rainy86


Im so sorry. I can only imagine the pain and hurt you're feeling right now. But honestly, just focus on you and getting over it- because most likely nothing he tells you will make you understand or feel better. He was playing games with you. He had you there and the American chick here. He never really had to make a commitment to you.


I just got out of a long distance relationship myself. We saw each other once a month, if that. I was always trying to make plans for us to get a place together, or at least move closer. He never could. I realized that I was the only one who wanted a true relationship with him. He just wanted everything to be on his terms and for his convenience. Thats pretty much what it sounds like your guy did. He had the perfect excuse for not seeing you that often and for always blowing you off. But when it really came down to it, he was not trying to make the two of you closer, he just wanted to maintain what you already have. If two people dont grow together in a relationship, the relationship will die.


I know its probably difficult to understand, because you truly do love him, and you're unable to comprehend how he could do this or be this way, but trust me when I tell you, you'll probably never understand, even if he did take the time to explain it. Just focus on you now. Take each day as it comes. Try not to call or email him, because it only makes things that much harder, trust me.


I wish you the best of luck.