I DON"T GET IT

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
I DON"T GET IT
5
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 3:31pm

Hello everyone and Happy New Year!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 3:42pm

I can only "guess" its because he is not totally over you, or realizes he made a mistake or just can't bear seeing you and bringing

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 2:54pm

Hi safara,

Did your ex always have maturity issues in his relationships? Because he's being a bit dramatic. I'm thinking that if you're completely over him, and are truly able to hang out with him and your friends with no problem, even if he brings someone else, then you may want to go ahead and send him an email or call him and spell it all out on the table for him. Go slow so he gets it.

It's possible he may be rethinking his position like lovergirl suggested, but since you're past him, well, that's really besides the point now. I'm thinking that he's had exes in the past who've acted irrationally, and he's reacting to the breakups he's known, rather than the one he actually had with you. I suggest that because an ex of mine thought that since his previous exes had not taken their breakups well at all, that I would be the same way as them. Um, no. It took me showing him and then finallly drilling it in by telling him I was in fact much different for him to "get it."

I would suggest the tone of the conversation or message to be one of, "Our mutual friends are being put in awkward situations for really no reason at all, and that is unfortunate. It would be great to start the New Year fresh and be comfortable again amongst friends. It would be great if we could all meet up again." Or something like that. Mainly, don't get too personal in the message, make it about your friends.

Good luck, I hope he leaves the self-inflicted drama in 2007.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 6:26pm

Hey Sandra you hit the nail on the head with my EX.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 6:34pm

I think it sounds perfect. And if it didn't hurt you to break NC, then even better. You were very clear that you are over things and the email was for one specific purpose- so IMO it was the right way to handle the situation. Now next time your friends tell you he is uncomfortable, then too bad for him. You have set the record straight and I would just show up. He knows how you feel and if he is "uncomfortable" then he can leave. You've put aside your friends for long enough now and if he can't handle it after this email, its his problem- not yours!


Good job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 6:37pm
Thank you lovergrl18!!!!!