After a long NC period
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| Mon, 01-07-2008 - 7:31pm |
This is probably kind of trivial.
I won't delve into the details of my break up, except to say that it ended badly around 6 months ago with 4.5 months of NC. Apparently, there IS a God (in my life anyways) and he put me as far as academically possible as my ex, while still on the same campus. And I've actively avoided places that I'll run into him.
However, all good things come to an end, and beginning tomorrow I have a class with him. And I am afraid.
Obviously there is the option and hassle of dropping out of the class all together and just avoiding having to see him. But there's a part of me says that I need to suck it up and face the music. I wonder if I'm just in denial and not dealing even though I don't miss or hurt from the break up any more. Or if I'll ever be ready to see him and see that he's moved on. And to top it all off, he may be dating one of my ex-good friends now.
I don't know what I'm really asking for here. Advice. Experience from other people. Recommendations on how to act and what's worked for other people. Maybe someone to kick my tush into shape. Maybe if Sandra would oblige, a further explanation on not acting like you don't care, but showing a mixture of vulnerability and core strength.
All the best to everyone.

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.

Hi Susanna,
Carrie and I have been seeing your progress (as much as possible via this limited forum) and we've both been proud of how far you've come since the beginning. It's hard to believe 6 months have passed.
I know tomorrow seems like this huge test you'll either pass or fail, but that's just not the case. You've already gone past that test, tomorrow's graduation day, so to speak. Tomorrow you get to see for yourself just how far you've already come.
I for one, do not believe in altering your life simply because of a breakup insofar as career, education and where a person lives. Basically, if you were to drop the class, move out of town, change jobs simply because of a breakup, that's not proving anything and simply feeds into the fear, the feelings of inadequacy, etc. So keep the class!
As far as how to act, act as if. As if you belong there and have every right to be there, as if you care about your education and your grades, as if you're peachy but not bitchy. If he comes up to you, be polite and personable but not overly friendly. You're not trying to turn him into your friend, you're simply trying to keep the peace. The fact that you had a relationship must be respected, but so must the fact that he broke it up. You definitely don't "look for his face," which is a saying my Mom had, meaning, you don't seek him out in any way. If possible, I'd suggest you act "as if" he's not there. If he makes a peace offering, I might accept it, but still keep your distance.
The Handling a Breakup at Work post should also work for school situations, especially if you end up being assigned to a project together.
I hope that helped, def let me know if you have more questions or concerns. I think you'll do great, though!
Good luck,