I know you are right and my best mate keeps saying it too that something better will come. And you never truly fall out of love with someone untill you replace the love by falling in with someone new.
Just been on phone to him and he is blaming me entirely saying I have been using him and been really unfair and wont even listen to my side.
You aren't throwing way your chance to be massively happy, you would actually be doing that if you decided to stay with this guy.
You indicated in your post so VERY many reasons why being with him is so completely not a good idea, not the least of which is he is still quite married. Honey, OF COURSE he's going to tell you they hate each other and that they're "really over", how else is he supposed to get you to sleep with him while he's still married? (shaking head) oldest one in the book. I'm sure my ex-husband of nine years told the women he cheated on me with that we were "just room mates, didn't sleep together anymore, it was over long before," etc., etc., etc., When will women stop believing these very self-serving lies? They're so old, too, can't these guys come up with something new?
Anyway, here's another thing, and I'm going to have to disagree with lovergirl on this: The very last thing you want to do is ask yourself if you're "in love" with him. Because of course you're in love with him! But that has zero bearing on whether he's actually any good for you, which he's not. So honestly, being n love with him is besides the point, he's still poison to you.
He's got the *entire* bad-boy routine down cold, though. Not only is he a complete jerk as a married man and boyfriend, he also blames his atrocious behavior on smoking pot. Smoking pot doesn't make you do what he did, just FYI. But it sounds good to people who don't know that. What else, he refuses to leave his wife until he finds someone who's "committed to him" meaning, someone who will accept his really bad behavior with no questions asked. (Alert, his wife is already doing that.) He uses his son as a shield against anyone who wants to get too close or ask too much, like for him to actually be honest for once. Oh, and he's never to blame, by the way, the bad-boy. Everything is *always* someone else's fault. Then again, he's got that wounded-soul thing down cold, too, with the "smoking pot because his life has been so bad" yeah right. People, unless they have cancer, smoke pot because they like it, end of story. He can be very sweet, very attentive, says ALL the right things, etc., so of course you're addicted to the bad-boy experience. You are unwilling to see the very real and ugly reality of just how pathetic he is as a person, because he makes you feel so darn amazing about 20% of the time, another bad-boy trait, in fact, the most important one. It's pretty hard to shake and get away from, but it can be done.
So, no, don't ask yourself anything about him except is this really how you want to exist forever because it does not get better, especially once you establish bad precedents with a partner (cheating, lies, doormat, mistrust, etc.). Bad-boys are extremely addictive, but if you like yourself at all, you'll be able to shake him. It's difficult, but not impossible.
One last quick addition: NO it's not necessary to fall in love with someone else before you get over someone. I can't tell you how wrong that is. It's actually the other way around: You have to get over someone, before you can truly fall in love with someone else. So don't go at your life backwards.
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and mine were reading it...!
I know you are right and my best mate keeps saying it too that something better will come. And you never truly fall out of love with someone untill you replace the love by falling in with someone new.
Just been on phone to him and he is blaming me entirely saying I have been using him and been really unfair and wont even listen to my side.
Guess its time to move on
You aren't throwing way your chance to be massively happy, you would actually be doing that if you decided to stay with this guy.
You indicated in your post so VERY many reasons why being with him is so completely not a good idea, not the least of which is he is still quite married. Honey, OF COURSE he's going to tell you they hate each other and that they're "really over", how else is he supposed to get you to sleep with him while he's still married? (shaking head) oldest one in the book. I'm sure my ex-husband of nine years told the women he cheated on me with that we were "just room mates, didn't sleep together anymore, it was over long before," etc., etc., etc., When will women stop believing these very self-serving lies? They're so old, too, can't these guys come up with something new?
Anyway, here's another thing, and I'm going to have to disagree with lovergirl on this: The very last thing you want to do is ask yourself if you're "in love" with him. Because of course you're in love with him! But that has zero bearing on whether he's actually any good for you, which he's not. So honestly, being n love with him is besides the point, he's still poison to you.
He's got the *entire* bad-boy routine down cold, though. Not only is he a complete jerk as a married man and boyfriend, he also blames his atrocious behavior on smoking pot. Smoking pot doesn't make you do what he did, just FYI. But it sounds good to people who don't know that. What else, he refuses to leave his wife until he finds someone who's "committed to him" meaning, someone who will accept his really bad behavior with no questions asked. (Alert, his wife is already doing that.) He uses his son as a shield against anyone who wants to get too close or ask too much, like for him to actually be honest for once. Oh, and he's never to blame, by the way, the bad-boy. Everything is *always* someone else's fault. Then again, he's got that wounded-soul thing down cold, too, with the "smoking pot because his life has been so bad" yeah right. People, unless they have cancer, smoke pot because they like it, end of story. He can be very sweet, very attentive, says ALL the right things, etc., so of course you're addicted to the bad-boy experience. You are unwilling to see the very real and ugly reality of just how pathetic he is as a person, because he makes you feel so darn amazing about 20% of the time, another bad-boy trait, in fact, the most important one. It's pretty hard to shake and get away from, but it can be done.
So, no, don't ask yourself anything about him except is this really how you want to exist forever because it does not get better, especially once you establish bad precedents with a partner (cheating, lies, doormat, mistrust, etc.). Bad-boys are extremely addictive, but if you like yourself at all, you'll be able to shake him. It's difficult, but not impossible.
One last quick addition: NO it's not necessary to fall in love with someone else before you get over someone. I can't tell you how wrong that is. It's actually the other way around: You have to get over someone, before you can truly fall in love with someone else. So don't go at your life backwards.
Good luck,
Thanks - seriously that was really helpful. Only bit
Good, I'm glad you're giving up your own addiction to him!