Still Numb

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Still Numb
1
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 9:59pm
It has been almost 4 years since I have been on this message board. I have to say in my past relationships this board has healed me and gave me strength to stay on. I am once again back after 4 years in need of healing again. My relationship of almost 4 years has just ended which part of me is relieved since it was going no where at least in my perspective. I am numb from all of this we were suppose to get engaged this summer and married next year but things changed over financial issue and as he states family differences. This was our first fight that we had in our relationship. I don't know what to do. I am very very very glad I have supportive family and friends but truly am lost in my feeings. Should I cry should I scream but then again I don't want to do any of those. I know I am still in shock and things are settiling in that I am officially single again. An idea actually now that I am typing does not sound bad. I need this time to myself I'm going to be 33 this summer and thought that the relationship I was in would be the last but realize now that since it is over it isn't. I keep thinking am I too old to be in the dating world again. I just needed to vent and get my feelings out because for some odd reason I am not sad, angry or as I have mentioned have any feelings. My friends are more upset then I am could it be that I unconsciously wanted this relationship to end. Just wanted to hear some of your words of wisdom on this message board.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
In reply to: marzbarz8
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 10:06pm

Hi marzbarz,

welcome back (but sorry you had to come back!) It sounds like you did subconsciously want it to end. Maybe you picked up on some red flags subconsciously. Or, maybe you are too numb to be upset yet. The feelings will come in time. Either way, the fact that you recognize that it was going nowhere and you are better off should give you strength.

I am 30 and I feel the same as you. I was hoping to be married and starting a family by now. But, better that we found out before the marriage and the kids and not after, right?!