Felling like I did something wrong?
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| Wed, 03-26-2008 - 10:05am |
Hey everyone,
I was doing better yesterday and I think I am okay today, too...but, something is plaguing my mind a bit. As you know, tho we share an apt, he rarely comes home- staying either at work, a friend's house, or new (who he cheated on me with) girl's house. He came home the other night and I talked to him, and it made me feel better because I saw him for who he really was, I felt.
But, then,though he originally said that the feelings disappeared a few months ago and that is why he broke up with me, he is now sticking with that if that were all- he would have stayed to work it out. But, the other reasons far outweighed it. His other reasons are that he claims I try to suffocate, control him, check up on him, tell him what to do, etc.
Now without going into the whole story- let me tell you that it was not like that at all. With his problems, he was unable to (or wouldn't) clean, do chores, remember medical appts, take his medications, do his laundry, etc. I would do everything and ask him for help (after all- it's half his!) I checked up on him once I saw signs he was cheating! If he did something offensive, yes, I asked him not to do it in front of me. Stuff like that...
But, THEN, he told me that his therapist told him (about breaking up with me), "You deserve to be happy!" That line bothers me. I know- everyone deserves to be happy. But what did that have to do with me?! I can't make anyone happy. He is so unhappy inside, I have realized. And is searching for it with the next job, the next video game, the next girl,. etc... So I said, well what does that have to do with me? And he said something along the lines of every second he is with me he is unhappy. I make his blood pressure go up. etc. That HURT.
Yet, he still "loves me" and wants to be friends. Buuut, he never comes home and never hangs out with me (even in the last few months of dating). It just does not make sense. He seemed so ANGRY at me. Like how I feel is that he told his therapist and this new girl at his job, his own version of the truth about me, and they gave him the "go ahead" to get rid of me and pumped him that he doesn't deserve this.
If you have read my old posts and know the story, it was 5 years of me caring for him (even when we were just friends in the beginning) due to his myriad of problems. He reacted the same way to his mom who did the same thing before me for him & all his problems. And, come to think of it, he ran away from her home and started living in mine- just like he is now doing with new girl; telling me stories of how controlling she was and what a clean freak she was & how she wouldnt let him live his own life and he needed space....blah blah blah. Same nonsense he was telling me the last few months.
I think the space he needs is in his head and the happiness he needs has to come from within. But, I can't help but feeling upset that he is so angry and resentful toward me & blaming this breakup on me! (Basically saying I fixed my problems- which he really didnt & yours are the ones that messed this up. I tried to warn you & now it is too late).
ARGH!!! Advice please. Oh yeah and comfort, too, please. Thanks!!!
Liz

Advice:
******************************************* “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over againBballsweety32,
How are you handling the apartment situation since you guys lived together?
I've been following your breakup over the past few weeks, and I have to say it reminds me so much of my own almost two years ago.
WOW....both of you girls helped alot....everyone's comments really helped! Thank you. I sent both of you emails because we have similar stories. =) Thanks again, and if anyone else has any thoughts about the blame thing...let me know...
Liz