can someone help?
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can someone help?
| Wed, 03-26-2008 - 5:08pm |
Im reaching out because I am desperate and my friends and family are so over me talking about it anymore!
i need some help with a recent breakup..
i met him in my home state a couple of years ago, swept me off my feet. he was just visiting from the other side of the country, and prolonged his visit one month and returned home. He was 12 years older than me and divorced,no kids, after a 7 year marrige.. I am in my twenties..
we dated long distance for 6 months until he moved to be with me for one year! what a great year it was. we had the best relationship. i was always a little suspicious due to past experiences so I would look in his phone to make sure he wasnt with anyone else because I was so smitten I knew I wasnt, and didnt want to be hurt AGAIn. I found a couple of strange texts that I decided to let go of due to my insecurities because there were times it was too good to be true .., We ended up being offered a contract together making us work side by side.
that was pretty tough, though at the end of it we got so much closer. throughout this time we were in my comfort zone home! until the day he decided he needed to go back to the left coast to persue a buisness he was buying for he didnt like being where we were anymore, and wanted to start it there. So I rented my house, and moved with him..
This was my first move, 3500 miles away from everything I know and love. so u can imagine it being difficult?
it was awful trying to get on the ground, make friends and of course be as successful as I was here at home, I worked at his buisness which was harder than ever. . Lots of fighting over stupid things, resulting in name calling and me crying . I saw a completely different side of him.
Outside of work I was alone ALOT. but never at night, he was at work douring the day, and some nights.. I had a little depression, so I admit I gained a little weight that he would often comment on but Im talking from size 2 to 5 nothing horrible . I tried to loose it so hard but my unhappiness and feeling of unattraciveness overpowerd that.
he would get numbers from other women, and I foundI( after snooping ;( ) that he was talking to this woman he placed under a males alias's name.so thats how the fighting came into play
our reltaionship was comforting. never a night not holding eachother tight, and I wasnt working as much as I wanted so I was home alot, being the homemaker laundry clean house dinner on the table bla blah blah. I couldnt connect with the people in this town for they were much different than me and I am not about making fake friends to just have company, so I made 2 really good people but were often busy, so i chose to be alone..
so throughout this all, I was getting sick alot. heartbroken by our lack of sex ( imean literally 2x a month if lucky!) and complements that he used to deliver vanished. and at times I was a ghost in his life. Never meeting all his friends.. was he ashamed? I dont know.
all I do know is I woke up last week having enough of being left in bed in the morning without being kissed goodmorning or even saying goodbye, I talked about it to him about how the things he does make me feel and he came back saying I was really depressed and that is making it hard for him to love me the way he did while I was here at home because I was an attractive female in my early 20's successful and always had something going on.. he stated he didnt know how to help me get going there( hes lived here for 10 years) or how to help me feel better.. even though he lived in another country with his x wife and knows how I was feeling because he suffered the same feelings ultimatly ending their marrige..
So I decided at that moment to leave and come home to start over..
i have no job, barely any money and now struggiling to get back on my feet.
he calls everyday saying I love u, I miss you so and Im proud of u blahblah but no talk of getting back together. What the hell? after just reading this I didnt mention the good things we shared. moments of bliss and laughs but the heartache of someone not telling you how they feel until u completely break is shattering.. any advice??
i need some help with a recent breakup..
i met him in my home state a couple of years ago, swept me off my feet. he was just visiting from the other side of the country, and prolonged his visit one month and returned home. He was 12 years older than me and divorced,no kids, after a 7 year marrige.. I am in my twenties..
we dated long distance for 6 months until he moved to be with me for one year! what a great year it was. we had the best relationship. i was always a little suspicious due to past experiences so I would look in his phone to make sure he wasnt with anyone else because I was so smitten I knew I wasnt, and didnt want to be hurt AGAIn. I found a couple of strange texts that I decided to let go of due to my insecurities because there were times it was too good to be true .., We ended up being offered a contract together making us work side by side.
that was pretty tough, though at the end of it we got so much closer. throughout this time we were in my comfort zone home! until the day he decided he needed to go back to the left coast to persue a buisness he was buying for he didnt like being where we were anymore, and wanted to start it there. So I rented my house, and moved with him..
This was my first move, 3500 miles away from everything I know and love. so u can imagine it being difficult?
it was awful trying to get on the ground, make friends and of course be as successful as I was here at home, I worked at his buisness which was harder than ever. . Lots of fighting over stupid things, resulting in name calling and me crying . I saw a completely different side of him.
Outside of work I was alone ALOT. but never at night, he was at work douring the day, and some nights.. I had a little depression, so I admit I gained a little weight that he would often comment on but Im talking from size 2 to 5 nothing horrible . I tried to loose it so hard but my unhappiness and feeling of unattraciveness overpowerd that.
he would get numbers from other women, and I foundI( after snooping ;( ) that he was talking to this woman he placed under a males alias's name.so thats how the fighting came into play
our reltaionship was comforting. never a night not holding eachother tight, and I wasnt working as much as I wanted so I was home alot, being the homemaker laundry clean house dinner on the table bla blah blah. I couldnt connect with the people in this town for they were much different than me and I am not about making fake friends to just have company, so I made 2 really good people but were often busy, so i chose to be alone..
so throughout this all, I was getting sick alot. heartbroken by our lack of sex ( imean literally 2x a month if lucky!) and complements that he used to deliver vanished. and at times I was a ghost in his life. Never meeting all his friends.. was he ashamed? I dont know.
all I do know is I woke up last week having enough of being left in bed in the morning without being kissed goodmorning or even saying goodbye, I talked about it to him about how the things he does make me feel and he came back saying I was really depressed and that is making it hard for him to love me the way he did while I was here at home because I was an attractive female in my early 20's successful and always had something going on.. he stated he didnt know how to help me get going there( hes lived here for 10 years) or how to help me feel better.. even though he lived in another country with his x wife and knows how I was feeling because he suffered the same feelings ultimatly ending their marrige..
So I decided at that moment to leave and come home to start over..
i have no job, barely any money and now struggiling to get back on my feet.
he calls everyday saying I love u, I miss you so and Im proud of u blahblah but no talk of getting back together. What the hell? after just reading this I didnt mention the good things we shared. moments of bliss and laughs but the heartache of someone not telling you how they feel until u completely break is shattering.. any advice??

I think I do want to be with him, and I did suggest to come home here with me, but he said hed probally kill himself because he hates it so much here. Boston aint a bad place!!! So as far as trust goes, he is an x model, breathtakingly handsome still in his late 30's. And women hit on him constantly I think he needs that for his ego. Looking back it was in the very begginning of our relationship he was very into me, then once he had me.. poof that desire for me vanished knowing he had me .
I really appreciate you reaching out to me. I dont know where to begin or what to do about this right now, but talking to people like you who have been there makes it so much easier. THANK YOU!! Litgirl01!!
I know EXACTLY how you feel! My situation was very similar...as soon as he had me he didn't want me anymore! Check this website and see what you
Welcome to the board sunpleaseshineonme,
Moving to another country for a relationship is difficult espeically if you are unable to adjust, meet people, make friends, build a support system. Sounds like you lost yourself being with him.
However, what about the collection of other women's phone numbers?
Hi sunpleaseshineonme!
I am so sad that you are going through this. I am going through a rough breakup also so I know how you feel.
In my experience, women get suspicious when they have reason to be (unless they are complete psychos, but that is another story =)). Your finding signs of his talking to other women is a RED FLAG!
The fact that he is divorced and said he had a similar issue with his ex-wife is another RED FLAG!
If you are in a new town, and it is his old town, he should be spending time with you- showing you around- introducing you to people. If he was worried that you weren't adjusting or were becoming depressed, he could have talked with you, recommended a doctor or counselor, given you a plane ticket so you could go home for a week, anything but what he DID do- which was basically fault you for it and back off.
And, size 2, 12, or 20 should not matter to him if he loves you. He sounds sort of shallow and as though he has low-self esteem (the needing you to "look young, thin, and successful", the fact that he modeled and has to have people telling him how handsome he is, the girls' numbers, etc.) If he was confident with himself, he wouldn't need all that attention.
If he misses you, he should come visit you if he can't stay with you (tho why did he expect you to stay in a place you didn't like, but he would kill himself living where he doesn't want to?). He could ask you to take a break from the relationship, or he could ask you to try again with him...he's not. He is using words and no action.
If I were you, I would tell him that his actions do not show that he is missing you and they do not show love. Why is he not worried that you now are out of a job? and are struggling with money? Why did he allow you to just sit around the house depressed? Why did he "let you go"? If he starts showing that he cares, then fine. But, if not, I would consider having no contact with him because right now it is too hard for you to be in limbo- not knowing one way or the other. You need to focus on what you need now to get your life back on track and be happy again. If he wants to be a part of that- Great....if not, it's better you find out sooner rather than later.
I really feel for you. If you need to talk, email me!
Good luck with whatever you choose to do,
Liz
you know liz, your a god send! I cant tell you how much reading your words really help heal this wound of mine.
ya know with everything you said, it all makes sense! I cant believe how nieve I am in the sense i let this go on for a couple of my great years.
I am a giver, a lover and always putting you before me.. that can often be a strength and by far my biggest weakness. I tend to give too much and unfortunatly in this case, I learned the hard way. I have been home for one week and started today at a serving job, just to make some fast cash but interviews are on the horizon, and I cant let money stresses take over all my emotion, as much as he owns the other half. I really truly appreciate your help and guidance, and ya know what? your helping me through this and I dont even know you! I think this great big world that we live in does indeed have some great people like you in it!
AND WOMAN POWER GIRL!! Geez just thinking to be single for the summer is not such a bad thought!
Now i would love to help you through your time if you need anything at all please dont hesitate!! Best of luck to you! and thank you so very much!
god bless
Hi sunpleaseshineonme,
Thank you SO much for your kind words!!! They cheered me up! If you are interested, check out my old boards (I have been posting for about 2 weeks now)- you could see my story. I am forever grateful to a bunch of people on this board- there are a bunch of nice people on here! Us girls hafta stick together- especially in situations like this!
I am away this weekend, but I would love to chat with you. Feel free to email me!
Good luck with your job search and congrats on taking the first steps to a new and better you!
Have a great weekend!
<3 Liz
Edited 3/30/2008 11:17 pm ET by bballsweety32
Hi bball,
It's great you are willing to help people out, however, please edit and remove your personal email from your post. It goes against TOS and anyone can email you if they so desire through your profile. Please note you just posted your personal email for the whole world (weirdoes included) to see. ;-)
Thanks,